Obviously a sham rock.
It was the alpaca-lips.
because he was a bad conductor.
Apparently the other six put him up to it.
"Eek! Lips!"
The boss should just turn the other cheek.
Of course, grandma wasn't his wife until they were married
Because it's only the first date
It's called Chirpies. It's a canarial disease. It's untweetable.
But for now, stay at home and do it with the one you're married to.
But it's snot.
I have to give it away now
They both made out like bandits.
I replied in agony nice toe meet you.
The scientific experiments altered his jeans
"Disgusting! I'm old enough to be your father!"
Cherpies, but don't worry.
It's tweetable.
Tulips
But I just wasn’t very Inuit
Is to say “Hygiene!”
The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him “This is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining “jingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. “Rudolph” “Frosty the Snowman” “Drummer Boy” even “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. “ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. “NO honey it really works watch!” “Im going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. “WAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out “CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now.
DAD: Those are tweakers, hon. They're either speed dating or just mething around.
MOM: I don't know why I married you.
Hershey's Kiss : "Hey! You totally ripped off my shape!"
Board game : "I'm Sorry."
A Smoochie.
Turns out he was a neck romancer.
looked like a stable relationship
He puts his Monet where his mouth is.
I guess they were french kissing.
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because they’ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his “promposal” special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!
Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that she’s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.
The night of the prom, he’s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesn’t return his feelings? What if she thinks he’s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.
They get to the prom and he’s even more anxious. It’s dark, it’s loud, it’s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks it’s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying she’s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if she’d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?
He feels like he’s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesn’t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.
He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?
There was no punch line.
A real pain in the neck!
A necromancer.
It's not proper to kiss on a first date!
