Flirting Puns

“Because she has no taste.”

Not even if it's a boning knife.

Dave reads her leaving note and thinks, "Great",

" I can see Deidre now Lorraine has gone."

But she just kept saying I had too much baggage.

She walked up to him and said this isn’t working out.

“Hmmm! She’s trying to pull a fast one” I thought

I took my dog called Pilky (named after Karl Pilkington) for a walk in the park. We stopped for a minute so he could have some fun in the grass, when this girl walks by.

Her: What a cutie

Me: Thanks, I just had a new haircut.

She gives me a puzzled look when suddenly she gets it.

She: that's funny.

Me: No, that's Pilky.

Me: What turns you on?

Her: Spontaneity.

Me: So if I spontaneously combusted that would just be like the hottest thing you've ever seen.

Her: sighs

Guess that’s why it’s called a Court room

I had eight texts this morning saying 'Hello HNY!'

You are being Sejuiced

"This is my partner here," she told me, tapping him on the shoulder.

He turned around and I said, "Nice to meet you, Here."

I mean, it could be real but maybe that’s just fishful winking.

You use acute angle. However, I'm probably just being obtuse.

I tried to have a nice conversation, flirt, and enjoy our dinner, but she was having nun of it.

A pickup.

Just Slytherin' to their DMs.

Say: "You're very attractive."

Me (Mr. Nerdy Smooth): You know you're less than 90 degrees?

Popular Girl: Because I'm acute?

It was at that moment I knew I had to marry her. We'll be married 11 years next month. :)

A pickup truck.

... and stumbled across a naked woman. She started flirting with me, so I asked her if she was game.

She replied yes, so I shot her.

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? He must be plotting something.

7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.

10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

And I suck at flirting. I’m in the dark on this one.

My dad is the king of dadjokes, especially in public. His specialty is bantering with waitresses. The other day we were finishing dinner at a restaurant, and dad still had quite a bit of food on his plate. The waitress came up and said, "Do you wanna box?" to which he replied, "No, but we could wrestle a few rounds." :)

Right after a large chicken dinner, my wife and I were sitting on the couch letting everything digest. A little flirting commenced, but we knew it wasn't going anywhere immediately b/c we were stuffed.

Wife: maybe a little later. Me: oh, is there a 2 hour wait between chicken and pork?

The groan was deafening. I regret nothing.

...he has a drink, flirts, then vanishes, with a poof.

^(I’m gay and personally found this hilarious, but many do still view the term “poof” as somewhat offensive, so my apologies if this isn’t in good taste.)

I was texting a girl last night, and ended up quoting lord of the rings. She said she wasn't sure she recognized the line, but "it rings a bell".

To which I replied "Lord of the rings a bell?"

The flirting promptly ended after that.

I work as a bartender at a classy cheese and wine bar in the DC area. Last night after some harmless flirting with some middle aged ladies, one exclaimed, "Sauvignon Blanc! That's my white jam!"

I replied, "Ma'am that's actually a wine, not a jam."

My wife and I are at the winery with my parents and the guy pouring samples is just flirting with all of the women, including my mom and wife, and telling dirty jokes, which is no big deal, but I don't really appreciate him calling wine "panty dropper" when he pours it for my mom. That kind of weird stuff, y'know?

Then he tells a story that he has an identical twin brother, and when they were infants, people would always ask his mother how she tells the two of them apart.

"I can tell them apart by their balls,"

And we're all like, "Jesus, enough with the gross out humor already," but he finishes the joke; "One of the babies bawls all day, the other bawls all night,"