While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said β€œShe obviously has COVID!” β€œWhy would you think that?” I asked.

β€œBecause she has no taste.”

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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The right way of flirting
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AligatorKS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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There's no justification for holding a knife while flirting

Not even if it's a boning knife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedArmyBushMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Lorraine finally leaves her husband Dave. His open flirting with the new neighbour Deidre, is the last straw..

Dave reads her leaving note and thinks, "Great",

" I can see Deidre now Lorraine has gone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dontmeenafing
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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As a single Dad, I tried flirting with the check-in girl at the airport while loading my kids' suitcases.

But she just kept saying I had too much baggage.

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditAndWept-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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When flirting consists of solid puns...
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EternallyRoaming
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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A girl saw her boyfriend flirting with other girls at the gym

She walked up to him and said this isn’t working out.

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Semi-Empathetic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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I saw this woman flirting with Usain Bolt down the pub earlier.

β€œHmmm! She’s trying to pull a fast one” I thought

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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Flirting for dads

I took my dog called Pilky (named after Karl Pilkington) for a walk in the park. We stopped for a minute so he could have some fun in the grass, when this girl walks by.

Her: What a cutie

Me: Thanks, I just had a new haircut.

She gives me a puzzled look when suddenly she gets it.

She: that's funny.

Me: No, that's Pilky.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jellevdv
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2014
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Flirting with a girl

Me: What turns you on?

Her: Spontaneity.

Me: So if I spontaneously combusted that would just be like the hottest thing you've ever seen.

Her: sighs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1clever_username
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2015
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Lady Justice was flirting with me..

Guess that’s why it’s called a Court room

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GEEZusChristman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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Lots of my people seem to be flirting with me since it became 2019.

I had eight texts this morning saying 'Hello HNY!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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When someone is flirting with you by offering squash

You are being Sejuiced

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EarthPhl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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I approached a girl in a bar and tried flirting with her

"This is my partner here," she told me, tapping him on the shoulder.

He turned around and I said, "Nice to meet you, Here."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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The fishmonger’s apprentice was flirting with me, but I have a hunch she just wants to make better commission.

I mean, it could be real but maybe that’s just fishful winking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slavaa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
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What's the best way to flirt with a math teacher?

You use acute angle. However, I'm probably just being obtuse.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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I went on a date with a catholic woman yesterday.

I tried to have a nice conversation, flirt, and enjoy our dinner, but she was having nun of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nexrotoxic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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When you try to flirt in math class v.redd.it/04paeprmkny11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WendyIsMyBias
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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What do you call a car the flirts?

A pickup.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saifudeen97
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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If you want to flirt with a Harry Potter fan

Just Slytherin' to their DMs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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You're on a date with gravity. How do you flirt with it?

Say: "You're very attractive."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pristinepicture
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2016
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Used a nerdy dad joke to flirt with the popular girl in high school.

Me (Mr. Nerdy Smooth): You know you're less than 90 degrees?

Popular Girl: Because I'm acute?

It was at that moment I knew I had to marry her. We'll be married 11 years next month. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goconrad
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2014
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What kind of vehicle likes to flirt a lot?

A pickup truck.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beto832
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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Is this a date?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mimi_K_V
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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How Unsuccessful Flirt Looks Like
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πŸ‘€︎ u/machine_pun
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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I was out hunting in the forest with my shotgun...

... and stumbled across a naked woman. She started flirting with me, so I asked her if she was game.

She replied yes, so I shot her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Send Noods
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yo_what_gives
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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For math lovers and others to
  1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

  2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

  3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

  4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

  5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

  6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? HeΒ must be plotting something.

  7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

  8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

  9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.

  10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

  11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

  12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

  13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

  14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

  15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

  16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

  17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

  18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

  19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

  20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

  21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InvestWithArihant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Advice needed: I was asked to turn on a light bulb.

And I suck at flirting. I’m in the dark on this one.

πŸ‘︎ 190
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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Classic dad at a restaurant

My dad is the king of dadjokes, especially in public. His specialty is bantering with waitresses. The other day we were finishing dinner at a restaurant, and dad still had quite a bit of food on his plate. The waitress came up and said, "Do you wanna box?" to which he replied, "No, but we could wrestle a few rounds." :)

πŸ‘︎ 330
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πŸ‘€︎ u/threepea
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
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Wife groaned hard over this one

Right after a large chicken dinner, my wife and I were sitting on the couch letting everything digest. A little flirting commenced, but we knew it wasn't going anywhere immediately b/c we were stuffed.

Wife: maybe a little later. Me: oh, is there a 2 hour wait between chicken and pork?

The groan was deafening. I regret nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 662
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hiro24
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
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A magician walks into a gay bar...

...he has a drink, flirts, then vanishes, with a poof.


^(I’m gay and personally found this hilarious, but many do still view the term β€œpoof” as somewhat offensive, so my apologies if this isn’t in good taste.)

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
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The one pun to rule them all

I was texting a girl last night, and ended up quoting lord of the rings. She said she wasn't sure she recognized the line, but "it rings a bell".

To which I replied "Lord of the rings a bell?"

The flirting promptly ended after that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scamperly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2015
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Dad Joked a customer last night.

I work as a bartender at a classy cheese and wine bar in the DC area. Last night after some harmless flirting with some middle aged ladies, one exclaimed, "Sauvignon Blanc! That's my white jam!"

I replied, "Ma'am that's actually a wine, not a jam."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSheepdog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
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At the winery...

My wife and I are at the winery with my parents and the guy pouring samples is just flirting with all of the women, including my mom and wife, and telling dirty jokes, which is no big deal, but I don't really appreciate him calling wine "panty dropper" when he pours it for my mom. That kind of weird stuff, y'know?

Then he tells a story that he has an identical twin brother, and when they were infants, people would always ask his mother how she tells the two of them apart.

"I can tell them apart by their balls,"

And we're all like, "Jesus, enough with the gross out humor already," but he finishes the joke; "One of the babies bawls all day, the other bawls all night,"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elbr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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