He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/7keletor
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What's a pirates favorite toy to play with?

His arr-sea car

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Scrpn17w
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2021
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There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.

And then you will all be sorry.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2021
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The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.

I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2021
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A man was admitted to hospital today with 10 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.

Doctors have described his condition as stable.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2021
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Several religious groups are banding together to outlaw adult toys.

Their reasoning is the Bible says, "It's Adam and Eve, not Florence + the Machine."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Qualekk
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My little girl accidentally broke one of her toy flowers. All I could say was...

Whoopsie-daisy

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IronHusker88
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2021
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What was Old MacDonald's favorite toy as a child?

G. I. - G. I. Joe.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 330
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/logansworth
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2021
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I just got fired from a job where I made six figures last year.

They said I was the worst employee at the toy factory.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 471
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2021
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My dog lost his favorite toy this week...

It was arf-ul.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VAOkie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26 2021
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What toy can a blind person never play with at the park?

The seesaw

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/munster1588
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do toy stores keep their Terminator action figures?

Aisle B, back

πŸ‘οΈŽ 103
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2021
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I told my friend I was going to rob a toy store for some board games

He said I could go to jail for it. I said it was a Risk worth taking

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2021
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Did you hear that less toys have been made this year in Santa’s workshop?

Many of his workers had to Elf Isolate.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2020
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What did the dog say when he threw his old chew toy away?

It was nice gnawing you.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fullmiz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stuffed toy pig when throw like a football?

Spiral ham.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MahlonMurder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of car does a Jedi drive.....

A Toy-Yoda!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
We’re in the process of potty training my two year old. My wife took her into the bathroom and argued with her that she’s not allowed to take toys into the bathroom.

I interrupted her and told her that it is in fact called a toy-let.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zxcoblex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My son got a new toy car, the Toyota SHOEpra...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BestServedColder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2020
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I heard that Santa’s workers don’t like to share their toys.

They are very Elfish.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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What do you call a tinker toy that someone farted on?

A stinker toy!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DJBlue18
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2021
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They are definitely KINDER
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NathyDre
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter how old you are....

....if a child hands you a toy phone, you answer it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What is Pinky's (of Pinky and the Brain) favorite toy?

NARF! Guns

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/heybuddy313
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
There was once a balloon family...

Papa balloon, Muma balloon and Bubba balloon.

Bubba balloon was still sleeping with Papa and Muma balloon but he was starting to get too big.

Papa and Muma balloon got a bedroom setup for Bubba balloon so they can finally sleep alone. But every night he would come in crying to sleep with Papa and Muma balloon but they never let up.

But one night, Bubba balloon waited for the Papa and Muma balloon to be faaaast asleep. He tried to squeeze in between them but he couldn't quite fit. Very carefully, he started to let some air out of Papa balloon... It wasn't enough. Very carefully, he let some air out of Muma balloon... But it still wasn't enough. He didn't want to deflate his parents any more... So he slowly let some air out of himself. It was perfect. He snuggled in and slept soundly.

The next morning, you could imagine how disappointed Papa and Muma balloon was. Papa balloon said: We tried to help you and tried to help you grow in toy a Big Boy balloon. We are so disappointed with you.

You let ME down... You let your Muma down... But most disappointing of all... You let yourself down!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Arokys81
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the baby shrimp want to share his toys?

He was a little shellfish.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlwaysTheAsshole1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a rappers favourite toy?

A yo yo!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BeardedThug
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 31 2020
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I got a job at a factory that makes Dracula toys

Its only me and one other worker. I need to make every second Count

πŸ‘οΈŽ 137
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chefrobbo65
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage, son.

You'll need something to play with.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Albus_Veritas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Next level "toy yoda"
πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Koegn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.

But it’s definitely up there.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are plush toys never hungry?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/logicson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Since this is a β€œNana” tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a β€œba”. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a β€œbanana” on the counter.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LaceyGayGuy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I got my kid a toy of a surrealist painter

It’s her Salvador dolly.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PercivalFailed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Santa got Coronavirus this year so Mrs Claus had to take over toy production, orders, and present deliveries.

Sleigh Queen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/diceblue
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't toy swords hurt?

They're only hokey pokey!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jsradford
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife bought all these dog toys, but Scooter here isn’t quite sure what he’s supposed to do.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife took my toy boat away.

She told me to quit playing with my dinghy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Balls have got to be one of the oldest toys.

They’ve been β€˜round a long time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 86
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you say toy in Chinese?

Atoi

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kebebeb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My baby sister just threw a toy horse at me

I told her to hold her horses

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SonOfDeath73351
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stationary shop that sells adult toys?

Dictionary.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hang-me-im-guilty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked where her toy Cryolophosaurus might be. I suggested...

"Maybe the Mesozoic Era?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xRVAx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Son tied a fist toy to my fishing net

I dont get the punchline but he's smiling

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ferkeshu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid wanted a Yoda toy.

I told him we already got Toyota

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Slymood
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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