He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What's a pirates favorite toy to play with?

His arr-sea car

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scrpn17w
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.

And then you will all be sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.

I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A man was admitted to hospital today with 10 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.

Doctors have described his condition as stable.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Several religious groups are banding together to outlaw adult toys.

Their reasoning is the Bible says, "It's Adam and Eve, not Florence + the Machine."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qualekk
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My little girl accidentally broke one of her toy flowers. All I could say was...

Whoopsie-daisy

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronHusker88
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What was Old MacDonald's favorite toy as a child?

G. I. - G. I. Joe.

πŸ‘︎ 330
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I just got fired from a job where I made six figures last year.

They said I was the worst employee at the toy factory.

πŸ‘︎ 471
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My dog lost his favorite toy this week...

It was arf-ul.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VAOkie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What toy can a blind person never play with at the park?

The seesaw

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/munster1588
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do toy stores keep their Terminator action figures?

Aisle B, back

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my friend I was going to rob a toy store for some board games

He said I could go to jail for it. I said it was a Risk worth taking

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that less toys have been made this year in Santa’s workshop?

Many of his workers had to Elf Isolate.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the dog say when he threw his old chew toy away?

It was nice gnawing you.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fullmiz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stuffed toy pig when throw like a football?

Spiral ham.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MahlonMurder
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of car does a Jedi drive.....

A Toy-Yoda!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
We’re in the process of potty training my two year old. My wife took her into the bathroom and argued with her that she’s not allowed to take toys into the bathroom.

I interrupted her and told her that it is in fact called a toy-let.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zxcoblex
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My son got a new toy car, the Toyota SHOEpra...
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BestServedColder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard that Santa’s workers don’t like to share their toys.

They are very Elfish.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tinker toy that someone farted on?

A stinker toy!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJBlue18
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
They are definitely KINDER
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathyDre
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter how old you are....

....if a child hands you a toy phone, you answer it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What is Pinky's (of Pinky and the Brain) favorite toy?

NARF! Guns

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heybuddy313
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
There was once a balloon family...

Papa balloon, Muma balloon and Bubba balloon.

Bubba balloon was still sleeping with Papa and Muma balloon but he was starting to get too big.

Papa and Muma balloon got a bedroom setup for Bubba balloon so they can finally sleep alone. But every night he would come in crying to sleep with Papa and Muma balloon but they never let up.

But one night, Bubba balloon waited for the Papa and Muma balloon to be faaaast asleep. He tried to squeeze in between them but he couldn't quite fit. Very carefully, he started to let some air out of Papa balloon... It wasn't enough. Very carefully, he let some air out of Muma balloon... But it still wasn't enough. He didn't want to deflate his parents any more... So he slowly let some air out of himself. It was perfect. He snuggled in and slept soundly.

The next morning, you could imagine how disappointed Papa and Muma balloon was. Papa balloon said: We tried to help you and tried to help you grow in toy a Big Boy balloon. We are so disappointed with you.

You let ME down... You let your Muma down... But most disappointing of all... You let yourself down!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arokys81
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the baby shrimp want to share his toys?

He was a little shellfish.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a rappers favourite toy?

A yo yo!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardedThug
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a job at a factory that makes Dracula toys

Its only me and one other worker. I need to make every second Count

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chefrobbo65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage, son.

You'll need something to play with.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Albus_Veritas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Next level "toy yoda"
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Koegn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.

But it’s definitely up there.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are plush toys never hungry?
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logicson
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Since this is a β€œNana” tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a β€œba”. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a β€œbanana” on the counter.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaceyGayGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I got my kid a toy of a surrealist painter

It’s her Salvador dolly.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PercivalFailed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Santa got Coronavirus this year so Mrs Claus had to take over toy production, orders, and present deliveries.

Sleigh Queen

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't toy swords hurt?

They're only hokey pokey!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsradford
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife bought all these dog toys, but Scooter here isn’t quite sure what he’s supposed to do.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife took my toy boat away.

She told me to quit playing with my dinghy.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Balls have got to be one of the oldest toys.

They’ve been β€˜round a long time.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you say toy in Chinese?

Atoi

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kebebeb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My baby sister just threw a toy horse at me

I told her to hold her horses

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonOfDeath73351
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stationary shop that sells adult toys?

Dictionary.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hang-me-im-guilty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked where her toy Cryolophosaurus might be. I suggested...

"Maybe the Mesozoic Era?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRVAx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Son tied a fist toy to my fishing net

I dont get the punchline but he's smiling

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ferkeshu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid wanted a Yoda toy.

I told him we already got Toyota

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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