Because it was a chili dog.
Best trade I ever made
.... Pelvis Presley
He was annoyed because I unplugged this really loud fan, I told him to chill out and when he plugged it back in I ask are we cool now?
John left large shoes to Phil.
If it got any worse, I would have had to let him in
I am really getting tired of his ant ticks
It was one of the Twix of the trade.
My brother and I are watching Star Wars VI. The Rebel Alliance is talking about destroying the shields on the planet Endor. I turn to my brother and ask him, "Isn't Endor the planet with the forests and tall trees?". He grins, turns to me, and says, "No; that's Outdoor". I'm astounded a 12 year old could be so clever.
I said, βThis is like splitting heirs.β
Zweistein!
But eventually he grew on me.
My dad said he'll let this slide for now.
Go and stand over in the corner if you're cold, it's ninety degrees over there.
Dad: "That isn't very nice but it's a reasonable fat simile."
Iβm too proud of myself to not tell anyone. I honestly think it was like one of those jokes that you come up with after the opportunity has passed, accept this time I thought of it quick enough. I hope this doesnβt appear as self-aggrandizement, I just think it was a good pun.
He said they were metro gnomes.
I'm talking to my younger brother on the phone and he tells me that he used his Best Buy gift card. He debated on Beats headphones but decided on Bose. "You made a sound decision little bro".
No one notices for a minute or two until my dad catches sight of it.
"Oh H! You got a bit of metal in your ear."
Mum starts fussing straight away but quickly calms down.
"Where'd you get it done?" She asks.
Without skipping a beat dad says.
"In his left ear"
My dad butted in after my brother said he didn't know.
"Maybe he knows Red or Green."
I fucking lost it.
As we were checking out this conversation occurred.
Cashier: would you like your milk in a bag?
Little brother: no, keep it in the jug please.
They would all get excited thinking they were going to go play in the park, they'd all load up in the car, and my grandpa would back the car out of the garage and park it on the curb outside the house.
LB: Why are the soda dispensers out of order?
Me: Something is broken and it hasn't been fixed yet.
LB: But they can just reorganize it!
My 3-year old brother was hollering up to my mother, who is upstairs.
Brother: "Momma, come downstairs!"
Mother: "Just a minute, I'm getting ready."
Brother: "You're not getting ready, you're Momma!"
Found this funny, so I thought I should share it with y'all.
WTF how dairy
His name was Tim.
Me: We should have post surgery cake! (Proceed to tell my brother he should make it just to see if he would.) Bro: I'm not making that cake bro. I gotta leave. Dad: I've got Tylenol.
Took me a minute but damn was it funny.
My dad, without skipping a beat, stands up and sideways. He points to his furthest ear to my brother and says "well this one's your back ear.." and then points to his other ear and says "and this one is your frontier!"
He laughed so hard he almost passed out.
http://i.imgur.com/gRHzFPD.png
Dad - "I have plenty of steam son, I can get you that for free."
We were playing a popular table top naval warfare game, and my son proclaimed his next shot, "I-1!"
His little brother, who was already slightly behind, burst into tears, yelling, "What? You can't do that! Mom that's not fair."
It took us all a few seconds to figure out why he was so upset.
He thinks he's funny
Whenever someone in my household asks how we're supposed to do something (carrying multiple things at once, beat a boss in a video game, clean the house before mom gets home) he always replies before anyone says anything, "very carefully."
My dad, my grandpa, and my brother were on a long car ride and there was snow along the side of the road. My dad says, "look at all the snow out there!" Then he turns to my brother and says, "there's kind of a lot of snew too." My brother right away asks "What's snew?" My dad very proudly answers "Not much, what's new with you?"
My dad and my grandpa lost it.
Brother: Dad, what color is Uranus?
Dad: the same as yours
Me: If you don't shut up, I'll kill you with my bare hands.
Him: You don't have bare hands, you have human hands!
Him- "I discovered some fungi in the woods!" Me- "What was his name?" Him- "..... Who?" Me- "The fun guy!"
I proceed to laugh while he shakes his head.
He says "oh man, living that life would be intense"
I quickly respond with "No, that life would be in mansions not in tents"
A mighty sigh inevitably followed.
I replied I am really getting tired of your ant ticks.
