How many mexicans does it need to change a light bulb ?
3 men are stuck on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
They throw one over board and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
In light of his record with these mega-projects, Elon Musk's proposed new Miami-tunnel gives new meaning to the term
"car-pool tunnel syndrome."
Just looking for a light snack...
This is what being American is all about. Second Amendment Lights.
Last light I seen a drunk couple weaving all over the street
I thought ‘honestly, get a loom’.
You are lost in winter but find a cabin. You find it has a fireplace, a kerosene lamp and a stove, but you only have one match. What item in the cabin do you light first?
The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles in here.”
A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.
My Grandad always used to say ‘many hands make light work’
Awesome Grandad, rubbish Electrician
What did God do after creating a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth?
Ebay is so useless
I searched for lighters but ti only came up whith 14,852 matches
When God lights a cigarette....
Is it with a match made in Heaven ?
Where was Moses when the lights went out?
In the dark.
My dad literally just said this to me, so I felt it was appropriate to post.
What did the Red light say to the Green light?
Don't look at me I'm changing!
What do you call a blimp wrapped in Christmas lights?
I was sitting at a red light with my family, and I said "Look, son! A super hero!"
Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
—
My 9yr old son just told me this 🤪
I saw an ambulance with the lights on at the local mechanics today.
Guess they needed an emergency service.
What do you call a light-toned sphere?
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
I have always been a light eater...
When it gets light, I start eating.
362 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up...
Just took down my icicle lights..
Now my hands are frozen..
Seriously guys. Take your Christmas lights down.
Christmas was literally last year.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
What do you call a woman that would rather stare at her phone than look up at the Northern lights?
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
A big light switch is a major turn-on
Honey, you are the sun that lights my sky.
I'm glad you're there, but god I hate looking at you.
Why did the flash light get arrested?...
.
.
.
.
For public flashing.
How can Jedis swing so lightly with a lightsaber and still cut through everything so easily.
They swing with alot of Force.
My dog ate a string of Christmas lights, but the vet was able to remove them.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One... Or two.
One......... Or two.
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,
I don't listen - and something else.
Why did the dad kneel on the Christmas lights?
He wanted to put up neon lights.
Did you know that when it snows my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?
My car had check engine light on...
So I told my son that the car might be “sick”.
My son said: “does it have the Car-onavirus?” And started cracking up.
Why is dark written with a K not a C?
Because you can't C in the dark
My German friend Hans got so drunk on American light beer we had to carry him to the truck to go home...
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I've been reading a book on anti-gravity
I just can't put it down.
The light of my life, a future dad:
How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
How many witches does it take to change a light bulb...
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