Itβll make it boil a lid-le faster!
β¦and then urine!
The surgery went well, he is just a little cockeyed now.
TRYOPENIN
There was a wide-scale cover up.
It makes no scents.
I pulled it off.
Stupid woman.
On the lid it clearly says "Twenty four hour hold".
The casket falls out then speeds down main street into a pharmacy and crashes into the counter. The lids pops open and the dead guy says to the astonished pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"
Just got diagnosed with COVID today - I'll be ok, but it reminded me of this joke.
It was jarring.
Your pupils. They dilate.
I like to keep all my bases covered.
So today we had lost the lid for my sonβs toy box and she started singing βIf I were a lid where would I be, if I were a lid today. if I were a lid where would I beβ¦β
And without missing a beat I replied βWell Iβm sure youβd be on it, honey.β
Iβm in over my head.
Iβve topped off my personal loans and Iβm on the brim of bankruptcy, soβ¦
hats off to the IRS.
:)
Luckily they were able to replace it using his foreskin. Only problem was he ended up a little cockeyed.
It's called Tryopenin
Cause flies time when you're having fun.
It was jammed.
Getting all the fur off your tongue.
He was just a little cock-eyed
It was ajar
I guess it can really get rubbed the wrong way
itβll probably go over your head.
...because his girlfriend was hefty.
Bartender: "Hold on there buddy, what's in the box?"
Man: "I'll show you if you give me a free drink
The bartender agrees and the man lifts the lid of the box to show a tiny man, who starts playing an equally tiny piano.
Bartender: "That's amazing! Where did you find him?"
Man: "There's a genie outside granting free wishes. But if you go out there, be sure to speak up, because I think he is hard of hearing."
Bartender: "Why do you say that?"
Man: "Do you think I would've wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"
Disclaimer: Not original.
Now it's a washp
My friend was having trouble screwing the lid onto a Tide container.
She said, "Close, darn it!"
I said, "No, that's just the soap. The clothes are in the hamper."
They call it mourning wood.
Only been getting 25% off.
He flipped his lid.
Remains to be seen
but the punchline doesn't fit, its from another Tupperware joke
It's much better than my old bucket because the new one came with a lid.
It pails in comparison, really.
A lid.
My granddaughter was recently born, and she is, of course, perfection incarnate. However, the night she was born, I got my son.
We had left his girlfriend's hospital room where she was in labor (14 1/2 hours!) to get some coffee. As we did so, I gave him some fatherly advice.
Me: Son, you know how everyone acts like all babies are beautiful?
Him: Yeah.
Me: Well, you and I both know that it's not true. There are some ugly babies out there. Now, I am not saying yours is going to be, I am sure she's going to be fine, but just in case...
Him: Yes?
Me: You know those signs at some bathrooms that say "Baby Changing Station"? Just stick her in there, close the lid...
Him: OMG, Dad, shut the fuck up!
Me: <literally tapdancing away>
You might have heard of it. It's called Tryopenin.
