guess iβm just a piece of meat for them
One of the old men goes, man I wish I could do that.
The other says, you canβt do that. That dogβll bite you.
I said to the friend: "you're lucky he didn't get a prize for it, that would have been a catasstrophy"
Me to my wife: "She's just trying to say you have good taste in books."
Has it no pride?
My friend said βI wish I could do that.β Told him youβd better pet him first, heβs kind of mean.
He fell asleep at the wheel.
My brother and I both yelled at him to stop and my dad came out of nowhere and said "he must have his licker license"
We both let out a sigh.
My wife, to our dog, whose breath stinks: "Your breath smells like you have been licking the butt of satan."
Me: "It was a brimstone job."
"Yeah I don't wanna use that cat-lick butter...
That's worse than that Anglican butter."
or they could be charged with a salt.
...your dog!
Wait, wrong sub.
None of the other surgeons seem to do it !
The corolla virus.
Ancient Scot Richard's Warriors: Dick's Picts
Loki - Trick pics (from my brother)
Pictures of an Adam Sandler movie: "Click" pics.
Pictures of a Kaitlin Olson character: The Mick's pics
Screenahots of these comments: Wit pics
Leaky faucet: drip pics
X1 Cumberbatch photos: Benedict pics
X2 Pope photos: Benedict pics (also works)
X3 Turncoat snaps: Benedict pics
X4 "Wong" image: Benedict pics
Legal command: Writ pics
Pictures of twigs: Stick pics
A Christmas Story scene: lick pics
Pictures of a Winter Saint: Nick pics
Syringe photos: prick pics (from a friend)
Sporting goods store images: Dick's pics.
Dan Harmon cartoon character: Rick's pics.
Try this : I licked a golf club and it tasted irony.
I'm lick toes intolerant.
The dogs allowed to walk naked around the house
My tongue is soo sore right now.
Moo-slims
He gave it a good licking.
Give me a second; it's on the tip of my tongue.
The teacher asks the class, β there are five birds on a power line, and you shoot two of them, how many are left?β
Johnny replies, β none the rest flew away when they heard the shot.β
The teacher says, β no three are left but I like the way you think.β
So then Johnny says, β let me ask you a question. There are three women eating ice cream, one licking it, one sucking it, and one biting it, which ones married?β
The teacher says, β the one sucking?β
Johnny says, β no the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think.β
Liquor
Assault-lick.
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon
I couldn't put my finger on it....
An alcohol lick
They press paws.
(My kids gave this joke zero stars but my dogs think itβs fantastic)
I do it and get kicked out of the hardware shop Β―\_(γ)_/Β―
...they don't like cat licks.
It'll still be stationery.
Theyβre just waiting their turn...
My 2 yr old is constantly dropping small toys down the grate on the air return and a couple rolled out if site. This morning, I stuck my head down it and found a couple the had been missing for a couple weeks. Yay, dad!
My wife told me "She likes to drop her toys down there when she's angry."
I told her "you can't be upset. She's just venting!"
Groans and laughs ensued.
Edit: "this morning." What the hell is a kornint?
