A friend of mine said he was having sex with his girlfriend and then the cat jumped on their bed and started licking his butt

I said to the friend: "you're lucky he didn't get a prize for it, that would have been a catasstrophy"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aereau
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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My cat licked my finger after I'd been eating salt and vinegar chips.

Talk a bout a sour puss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyrrhios
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2017
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Most protestants are dog people

...they don't like cat licks.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salazarjohann
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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"Mr. President" could be a great name for a dog...

You could tell him to get off the couch by saying "Get down, Mr. President!"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Walter_Bishop_PhD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2016
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Where do cats learn to clean themselves?

At a Cat Lick school

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/no_aglets
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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Why did the nun love all her feline friends?

They were all practicing cat-licks

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/candyman337
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Wifey warned me "Don't use the butter left out on the bench. The kitties got up and were licking it."

"Yeah I don't wanna use that cat-lick butter...

That's worse than that Anglican butter."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2017
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My uncle laid this one on me today

Me and my cat really like discussions about philosophy, religion, and the like. The other day we got to talking about religions, and I asked her what religion she is. Well, she started licking my arm like crazy and wouldn't stop! That's when I realized, "OH MY GOD! She's a cat-o-lick!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/babosw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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