"Let's both pretend to be famous musical composers; You be Beethoven,...

[Arnold voice]

"...I'll be Bach."

Then turn and walk away.

👍︎ 18
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👤︎ u/m1sgu1ded1
📅︎ Dec 21 2018
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How to get an 8 year old to hate you...

So after my daughter got off the bus, she was telling me about her day. She said that, at lunch, she was pretending to be a goblin.

"Gobbling what?", I asked. "Hopefully your lunch."

She stared at me (trying hard not to smile), let out an exasperated sigh, and said "I hate your jokes". Then walked away to the house without as much as another word...

👍︎ 122
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📅︎ Feb 19 2018
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My Grandfather's Honeymoon Joke

So my grandfather is on his honeymoon with our grandmother and they are driving to Las Vegas, on their way there they see a fellow on the side of the road. They debate about taking him to the city instead of leaving him there, the end up letting him get a ride to the city, they say "Hey sir, want a ride to the city?" He replies "sure thanks", they drive down the road and notice he has a bag, so they ask " what's in the bag?" He replies with "None of your damn business" they start to think in their heads, what if he has something illegal or dangerous, so my grandfather takes action, he goes to the side of the road and pretends to fake piss and opens the door and my grandmother kicks him out and my grandfather gets back in locks the door and they speed off, as they're driving they notice he left his back and dropped it in the car, they decide to open and see what it beholds, they open the bag and find a single piece of paper, the paper had wording on it, it said "None of your damn business."

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/Lerrou
📅︎ Nov 19 2018
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My Dad kept pretending to throw his eyeglasses at me.

I said 'Why do you keep pretending to throw those at me?'.
He said 'You're right, I am just making a Spectacle of myself'.

Internally I was laughing but I couldn't let him know he got to me...

👍︎ 17
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📅︎ May 01 2016
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Walking next to my Mom yesterday...

My brother and I aren't super tall by any means (both 6'1") but we tower over my 5" 5' mother.

So last night, after going to my other brother's choir concert, we were walking back to my car. My brother turns to me and says "hey /u/Devchar96, let's pretend we're as short as Mom." He then crouch walked.

My response? "Nah, I won't stoop to that level."

I'm so proud of myself guys. I feel like I'm finally qualified for Dad-hood!

👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/Devchar96
📅︎ Feb 26 2016
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Got my girlfriend for the first time at the Hoover Dam!

I asked her what time it is and she said "We are in the pacific time zone now so..." And I said "well that's very S'Pacific'! And a moan ensued and then she said "let's just pretend you didn't just say that". I would call that a success!

👍︎ 15
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📅︎ Mar 10 2015
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During a road trip

My sister asked how long until we arrive, and my dad said however long we had left. Let's pretend it was two hours. Then a little while later:

Sister: "How long has it been?" (Since she last asked how long left) Dad: "Oh, about 13.7 billion years"

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Sep 24 2013
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