I remember standing in solitude, at the end of the long landing overlooking the Pacific Ocean - this disembodied voice was urging me to jump, so I did...

I never could stand up to pier pressure.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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An American, landing in India: Does anyone here know how to play baseball?

India: crickets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.

I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...

...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....

Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Did you hear about the financial analyst who went skydiving but missed the landing spot by a mile?

He was an expert in the field

Edit: I made this up myself!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImNudeyRudey
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef

The steaks had never been higher

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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What really happened during the moon landing
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RepCheese
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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The moon landing is obviously fake

Like c’mon the moon is still up there. It never landed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JepsiCola243
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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The plane I was on had a fairly hard landing...

Flight attendant gets on the intercom:

β€œThat was not the Captain’s fault. That was not our fault. That was the asphalt.”

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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Me: Dad, are you excited for the 50th anniversary of the lunar landing today???

Dad: I'm over the moon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarahJBP
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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What a brutal landing
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poppamunz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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My cat was walking on my furniture, as he does. Suddenly, he tripped on my bowling first-price award and both fell down, the award landing in the cat's anus.

It was a cat-ass-trophy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLenciusMount
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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The state passed a new regulation that you can only have one dock at a boat landing.

Because if you had two it would be a paradox.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmunkey
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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What sound does a plane make when it bounces when landing?

Boeing Boeing Boeing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pixelation-1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Whats it called when a boeing 747 bounces on the landing strip?

A boing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_floof
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
If Winterfell on Kings Landing.

Would River Run?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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I took a picture of my plane landing, and was immediately arrested.

The cops said it was in descent exposure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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I really hope the moon landing wasn't faked

But if it was i think we're all owed an apollogy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacecpt-damien
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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Pilot comes on the intercom following a very bumpy landing

β€œSorry about that folks. Not my fault, it’s the asphalts”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bananacat29
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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There was a man protesting the sale of tall ladders by climbing one over 15’ and acting like he slipped and fell, landing in a bush that was secretly a soft-landing pad.

It was a anti-climb antic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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I was arrested for taking a photo of a landing airplane.

I was charged with in descent exposure.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
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My dad on the SpaceX rocket landing

We were watching the live stream of the landing, just as it touched down and the crowd went crazy.

My dad: "That crowd is really excited. It's almost like they scored a touch-down!"

Me: sigh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/free_science
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2015
🚨︎ report
On my way back from Thanksgiving holiday, the flight had to make a slightly hard landing due to the crosswind. Then the flight attendant announces: " Sorry for the slightly bumpy landing. It wasn't the Captain's fault, most definitely not the my fault...

It was the Asphalt."

The whole flight lost it. It was glorious :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sagarreddit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Southwest stewardess just dropped this: "That landing wasn't the pilots fault, it wasn't the first captains fault...."

It was the asphalt".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BooBooDingDing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Landing a job in the moisturizer industry is tough. My advice?

Apply daily.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2017
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My dad, on the Chinese moon landing.

Me: "How did it take them 13 days?"

Dad: "...maybe they went the Wong way."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fleurr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
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The moon landing never happened

It’s still in the sky

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wicked_And_Divine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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The moon landing was fake

It still hasn't landed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pizzarius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes, a plane will bounce off the runway after landing.

Boeing! Boeing! Boeing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnouchBall
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2016
🚨︎ report

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