Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
A jar?
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar.
It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
I have a jar where I put 50 cents in for every time I have a negative thought
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Someone just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me!
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︎ Feb 16 2021
What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise?
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︎ Jan 27 2021
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
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︎ Mar 18 2021
I've been swapping labels around on my wife's spice jars.
She may not know anything about it yet, but mark my words--the thyme is cumin.
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︎ Dec 09 2020
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
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︎ Jan 22 2021
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife while looking at me: -.-
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Mi me chiama JAR JAR BINGS...
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︎ Nov 03 2020
She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."
I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Itβs amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
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︎ Sep 20 2020
Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me today...
...I was like, "What the hell-man?"
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︎ May 11 2020
What do you call a stolen jar?
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︎ Sep 19 2020
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
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︎ Jul 20 2020
My girlfriend has decided to repurpose our novelty cookie jar. Say hello to our Tea-Rex.
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︎ Apr 08 2019
Whatβs the difference between a Tuna fish, a piano and a jar of Glue
You can tuna piano but you canβt piano a tuna!
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︎ Jun 29 2020
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar
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︎ Jul 28 2020
Just caught my kid eating mayonnaise out of the jar...
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︎ Jun 14 2020
What do you call a glass jar in a secret society?
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︎ Jul 16 2020
jar jar clinks
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︎ Dec 25 2019
Today I went up to my coworker with a sample jar in each hand
And I said hey check this out, jar jar clinks and I clinked them together.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
The other day I broke a jar and my friend asked why I did that
I replied, βyou wouldnβt understand, itβs jar gone.β
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︎ Jun 27 2020
Jar jar clinks
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︎ Dec 22 2019
A jar of peanut butter needed an oil change
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︎ Jan 06 2020
I'm so proud of my son, for bringing bread and a jar of peanut butter to the truck show.
After all, this is MONSTER JAM!
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︎ Jan 31 2020
I gave my wife a jar of honesty
But she said it was a crock.
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︎ Jan 19 2020
What happens when you put Jar Jar Binks in a Mason jar and slightly open it?
you get a Jar Jar in an Ajar Jar.
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︎ Jul 29 2019
What do you call a folk musician, floating in a pickle jar?
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︎ Nov 09 2019
Why was the jar about to explode?
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︎ Oct 29 2019
and drinks from a space jar
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︎ Nov 11 2018
I relabelled the jars in our spice rack. I haven't gotten into trouble with my wife just yet...
... but the Thyme is Cumin!
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︎ Jun 07 2019
I'm no good at opening jar lids.
I can never seem to pull it off
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︎ Sep 13 2019
Not a dad joke, but a wife joke. When is a jar not a jar?
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︎ Apr 08 2019
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︎ Oct 06 2016
My son started to panic after he dropped a huge jar of pickles and got pickles everywhere.
βDonβt worry,β I told him. βEverythingβs kosher.β
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︎ Sep 10 2019
Go throw a jar of Hellman's in the Lake!
π︎ 1k
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︎ May 05 2015
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me!
π︎ 70
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I've been swapping labels around on my wife's spice jars.
She may not know anything about it yet, but mark my words--the thyme is cumin.
π︎ 19
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︎ Dec 09 2020
What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise?
π︎ 24
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︎ Oct 24 2020
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar every time I have pessimistic thoughts.
Itβs currently half empty.
π︎ 704
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︎ May 11 2020
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Whenever I have a pessimistic thought, I put some money in it.
it's currently half empty
π︎ 288
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︎ Apr 08 2020
Whats the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a jar of glue
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna
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︎ Dec 20 2019
Instead of a swear jar I have a pessimism jar, every time I have a negative thought I put a coin in.
Itβs currently half empty
π︎ 116
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︎ Dec 01 2019
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in...
Itβs currently half empty...
π︎ 131
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︎ Mar 06 2019
A door can be ajar, but a jar cannot be a door.
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︎ Feb 19 2019
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