Blanch: "I get it. That can leave you in a bad headspace but, I'm an open kettle - you can tell me anything."
Me: "I just need to vent, Blanch."
It's half empty.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
i put my blood, sweat, and tears into it
When I asked him why, he responded βI use it for all my jams!β
Itβs half empty
What the Hellman?
LMAYO
An invalid
She may not know anything about it yet, but mark my words--the thyme is cumin.
An organiser.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-
I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."
The resemblance is uncanny
...I was like, "What the hell-man?"
A free mason.
It was jarring!!!
My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
You can tuna piano but you canβt piano a tuna!
Jar of hearts
It was jarring
His sister Chewbacca is less thrilled.
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar
What the hellman?
A Freemason Jar
And I said hey check this out, jar jar clinks and I clinked them together.
I replied, βyou wouldnβt understand, itβs jar gone.β
It still amazes me how they get the jars that big.
Makes no cents.
From an email my cousin sent me:
I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.
I was kidnapped by mimes, they did unspeakable things to me.
The finest shoes are made of smooth leather, my opinion will never be suede.
A perfectionist walked into a bar - apparently it wasn't set high enough.
Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo accident! He's in ICU.
Went to this horrible bar called "The Fiddle" ... it really was a vile inn.
To the thief who stole my glasses, I will find you - I have contacts.
If any of you knows how to fix hinges my door is always open.
Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect.
Cold? Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.
If your guy doesn't appreciate fresh fruit puns let that mango.
A few puns make me numb but math puns make me number.
My friend was explaining electricity and I was like "Watt"?
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me, I was like "What the hellman?"
Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back.
Due to the quarantine I'll only be doing inside jokes.
It went to JIFfy Lube
Please post your best Beau (my bfs name) puns. Iβm making him a note jar for Valentineβs and Iβm short on puns. I already have Bodacious, Beautiful, and beaucoup (bookoo)
Post just a word or a short joke. Thanks guys!
What the Hellman?!?
She may not know anything about it yet, but mark my words--the thyme is cumin.
Lmayo
Itβs currently half empty.
it's currently half empty
When it is a jar.
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna
