Ivar The Boneless Puns

In the past I've had successful and fun Norse runs as Harald Fairhair and Sigurd Ring/Ragnar Lodbrok but I had never tried a Great Heathen Army run , so I figured I would give it a go.

So starting as Ivar with my 8.5k army in York, I participated in several early skirmishes against Aella and his allies along the Northumbria/York border until the first wave had been defeated and I judged that Halfdan and Bjorn's armies could control the area without my help.

So with everything going well, I took mine and Sigurd Snake in the Eye's army south to take East Anglia. My logic being that while the Saxons were still split between fighting me and fighting Halfdan, there was less chance of my army getting cornered in East Anglia by every Saxon in Britain. So I took Norfolk, waited for the East Anglian army to come and liberate it, then took out the army, captured King Edmund, enforced demands and then executed Edmund.

When I look back north what do I see? Halfdan and Bjorn have conquered Northumbria without capturing or killing Aella. Halfdan has taken all of Aella's provinces except for the 3 in dejure Scotland, leaving Aella with a 3.2k army that is rampaging through my Scottish territories unopposed. Because of this victory, Halfdan and Bjorn are both in a treaty with Aella and thus unable to be called into my war with him should I need. I figure maybe I can invite Ubbe to my court and at least use him as a commander of my army, but Ubbe has decided to become a priest and is now residing in a temple in a province in York.

So I march mine and Sigurd's now 7.9k army north fighting on the way with various small Saxon armies as they try to organise. By the time I make it to Aella's territory, every single person in Britain not part of mine or Halfdan's realm has joined the war in support of Aella. with my window of opportunity closing as Saxon and Scottish armies converge on me, I completely occupied all Aella's provinces with my now 7k army and waited for his now 2.8k army to come liberate them.

The battle finally happened, I caught Aella's small army where none of his Saxon or Scottish allies could get to him in time and even though my army was dwindling, I still vastly outnumbered him. The battle ends in victory, I see Aella has been captured and I now have 100% warscore, so I instantly pause the game to enforce my demands and what do I find?

Sigurd Snake in the Eye was the one who captured Aella in the battle and in the time between capturi

http://imgur.com/a/MWoI7

Ivar the Boneless is probably the Norse ruler with the fastest power growth rate. He has a handicap on forming Scandinavia because of the lack of an initial capital there. Nevertheless he has the ability to blob quickly and still get a start in Scandinavia. In the last screenshot the three single county Swedish chiefs are in the process of vassalizing to me so I will soon be a little bigger. I'm also in the middle of an emergency conquest war as I just had an unwanted son late in life that I need to get out of my succession.

The nice thing about Ivar the Boneless is he starts with a huge contingent of upkeep free levies. They act like mercenaries or retinues for the purposes of declaring war so if you hold onto any through your invasions you have an extra oomph for future wars.

You start off with 2.5 problems. You are in the middle of 2 invasions and one of your allies is also in the middle of an invasion of one of your targets. Your enemies have a fair number of war allies on their side. So your goals are to:

1.  Finish off your small war as soon as possible.  This gets a fair chunk of hostiles out of the war as well as giving you a small bonus levy immediately after the war.

2.  Deny Jorvik as much as possible.

3.  Fully assault as many holdings as you can to minimize Catholic vassals.

Luckily some of these goals are pretty easy. Start by marrying with the ambition before setting your ambition to become exalted among men. By sending your entire levy south to deal with east anglia you allow Jorvik to act as a meat shield for the inital invasion resistance. Call your available ally into your wars as this is the only tough war you will be fighting for a long time. Fully assault both of the East Anglia counties and after getting a surrender, immediately raise your levies out of them before distributing the cities, temples and counties if necessary. Reserve the temples for your younger sons to take them out of the inheritance.

After finishing that war, you can turn your attention to Northumberland. With any luck, Jorvik has been decimated while whittling down the hostile forces. Use ships to speed the transition from East Anglia back north and get sieging. Speed is good here so assault when you can. At some point after the first war finishes, you will become exalted and can pick a new ambition. Choose to angle towards becoming King of Scotland.

Ideally you want to have every holding occupied b

I thought, that chicken must have had a hard time walking.

More meat. Tasty breading. Less likely to be dry and stringy. No worries about cracking a tooth on a bone, or chewing cartilage on accident. It's also more socially acceptable to eat with a fork than regular bone in - you'll look like a lunatic if you put a wing on the end of your fork like that. Which means no sticky, smelly fingers. You'll be free to touch other parts of the table without having to take a wet napkin to your hand every time!

Overall, though God may not have intended them, boneless wings have no flaws and I shall die on this hill.

I’m looking for something that either represents that the device has been authenticated (recognized your face and while let you swipe up to unlock to the homepage), or something to represent that you’ve swiped up and transitioned to the homepage after authentication. Either or.

I want to hook a view’s method and return nil only when the device is unlocked (or when you’ve swiped up to leave the dashboard).

And then of course if you lock the device again, I’d like to reload the view, and so forth.

Did anyone else notice after praying to walk, he had blood on his hands similar to the crucifixion, as if a miracle happened?

Picture for reference:

https://i.gyazo.com/83de9ef458d2ad4c33e562882e94f509.jpg

I think Ivar might be walking soon.

Nobody batted an eyelid.

https://www.wwe.com/superstars/ivar

"The Viking Experience, Ivar & Erik, have one objective in mind: World domination.

For years, The Viking Experience used brute force to capture tag team titles wherever they went, from the U.K. to Japan. Looking to devour new competition, Ivar & Erik turned their attention to the NXT Tag Team scene in early 2018. Their impact was felt immediately, as The Viking Experience arrived by surprise to unleash a barrage on two of the black-and-yellow brand’s top tandems, Heavy Machinery and Riddick Moss & Tino Sabbatelli, less than one week after NXT TakeOver: New Orleans.

Ivar & Erik, whose gruff exteriors would look right at home beyond the wall in “Game of Thrones,” have made smash-mouth collisions their stock in trade. Yet, Ivar, a protégé of WWE Hall of Famer Killer Kowalski, is also deceptively agile for a man of his size. Every bit as athletic as he is ferocious, the 300-pounder has been known to come crashing down on opponents from the top rope.

Now that The Viking Experience are roaming, all other tag teams had better beware."

So, you guys seem to be good at reading facial expressions and common story line foreshadows, lots of you guys had good guesses and theories about what will happen in the show next (either it is because of the predictable story or no). As an example you guys read Hvitserks insecurity without it ever being made explicit that the deal with Hvitserk is that he is insecure and not sure who to support. Lots of you also knew that the Seer would die next, that Ubbe would take the role of Sigurd and that he would become Christian and so on.

So to my point, we've seen Ivar going "crazy" lately. With his whole divine bullshit (to be honest, in that setting and being in Ivars shoes, I would believe I was divine too by achieving things that everyone was convinced and himself was convinced was impossible for him due to his condition) and the sacrifice, Hvitserk asked him "so you knew that was not Lagertha you sacrificed", in which Ivars facial expression went like"duh" as far as I am concerned, the same as in season 4 when they hid in the sewers and Hvitserk asked him about Ivars plans which Ivar was clearly annoyed by because Hvitserk was underestimating Ivar. Is Ivar playing everyone by making everyone believe he killed Lagertha, since he doesn't believe it himself. What do you guys think about his whole self proclaimed "im a god" storyline? What is Ivar thinking? Does he believe himself to be a god for real or this just another trick?

Any theories or guesses for what lies for Ivar? My guess would be he is kinda playing everyone including Freydis, whilst still half believing he is bit of divine, and that when he inevitably fails next with something he will snap out of it and will become more mature and start doing the stuff the "real" Ivar did in our world.