The woman simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
It's called "Wisdom of the Kraut"
Me: No, but I once told a donkey to F off.
He asked a lot of softball questions.
"What happened?"
"Eiffel."
Interviewer: "we need someone who can peck as many people as possible. Do you think you would like this job" Bird: "I can do this. I like this. I like every ass-pecked"
......I wouldn't "higher" them......
Here's a scanned excerpt, via Imgur.
Transcript (Important part in boldface):
Extremely pragmatic and frugal in nature -- "a lot of stuff I see people buying is completely nonessential" -- Paul has a soft spot for absolutely any joke, and the more esoteric, the better. Instead of his proper name on his office template, "The Buck Stops Here" appears. The other day, he stopped me in the hallway and asked "What will the people carrying the coffin at my funeral be called?"
I wait.
"Paul bearers", he declares, followed by a knee-slapping hearty guffaw.
EDIT: Fixed Imgur link.
I work with a dog rescue-- and today we had a phone interview with Modern Dog Magazine.
Our President's father couldn't resist.
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
Me: 'quick'
I was hired
Well my doctor always calls me patient.
I said “I’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”
Me: When did my resume learn to talk?
He’s struggling to make ends meet
The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"
The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."
The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"
The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"
I said it's so dark I can't breathe has anyone got a nut cracker I can't breathe
Woohoo, i got a yob! :D
He got hung up on his boards.
That was awesome
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness" All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
Me: "I Excel at it."
Interviewer: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
Me: "Word".
Me: "I fell asleep on the space key."
Me: Well, your search ends today. At my previous job, whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.
I call it “Best bets for vetting vets for vets”
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
To be honest, I thought they’d have boats.
Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."
“Oh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
“You’re hired!!” He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked “who is he?”
The priest responded “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”
So he could try to get a foot in the door
I said, "I've never had a job working in a nutshell."
But that's enough about them
Wright up
Me: "I never worked in a nut shell."
I said no, but I can do a good Bohemian Rhapsody
Job Interviewer: "At the start you'll be earning $17,000; later that will increase to $21,000"
Me: "Ok, I'll come back later."
His reasoning was “I thought it would help me stick the interview”.
that's shellfish."
“Nervous?” asked the interviewer.
“No. I always give 110%”.
Interviewer: How do you explain the for year gap in your resume?
Me : I went to Yale.
Interviewer: That's great. You're selected.
Me: Thanks I really needed this yob.
Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.
Interview: You're hired? Me: Thanks for the job!
They asked, "Can you perform under pressure?"
I said, "No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody."
