When I told my friend about my intention to stop drinking, he said β€œthat’s the spirit!”
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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Yesterday I witnesseded a very odd behaviour of a shark, it just swam beside other fish without any intention to harm it

I think it followed ocean's ethical cod.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oded_Gendelman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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What do you call an egg dish with noble intentions, poor eyesight and erratic execution?

Don QuichotΓ©.

New dad 9/14/14, finally can legit post in here (=

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derptron5K
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
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I was just telling my friend about my intentions to learn the guitar...

It got to the topic of me telling my friend that I have bought that Rocksmith game, to help me learn how to play guitar.

Me: "Yeah, I'm looking forward to it, hopefully I'll enjoy it and I hope I stick with it."

Friend: "Yeah, fingers crossed!"

Me: "Fingers crossed? It's not THAT difficult to play guitar, is it?"

Friend: <_<

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mintydeadman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2014
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Took me a while
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rajeevist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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An intents one
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meow__meg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend today is intentionally staring at the sun to cause eye damage.

Look on the bright side, today will be the last time he sees 2020....

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RasberryOnline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I can't stand this dude!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AristonD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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What's a schizophrenic's favorite Christmas song?

Do You Hear What I Hear?

πŸ‘︎ 918
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TaurusGuy813
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Martha had always listened to her parents when they said β€˜stay away from fire’, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.

Martha was burning with curiosity

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/husbus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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I tried skipping rope. But I ended up being tied up.

That was knot my intention.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepOrderDis
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My brother, the pro baseball pitcher, told me about the time he intentionally walked every player on the opposing team as a protest against unfairness in life...

That took a lot of balls.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't interrupt someone working intently on a word puzzle

Chances are, you'll hear some cross words

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Was this intentional?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jilaXSXL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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I can almost guarantee it was intentional.
πŸ‘︎ 344
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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Intentional or not, I suggest it belongs here.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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In a new movie 007 must save us from a mad man intent on setting off an atomic bomb on the bottom of the Ocean

Nucleotide Bond

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Camping can be pretty intents
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yourfather223
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Hope it was intentional...
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dg1056
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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I was talking to my friend and he asked me, β€œAs a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, β€œTo be honest,...

β€œ...my mother was never a young boy.”

πŸ‘︎ 214
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
i have a pee every morning at 7

problem is i don't wake up until 7:15

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrEpididymis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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The French translation of this brand is an intentional English pun
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Satanaphobia
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL: A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s chief export.

And import.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever had sex while camping?

It's Fucking intents

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/felinebarbecue
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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I see what you did there, fb algorithm.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cdr_breetai
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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My statistics professor told us that the larger the sample size, the more reliable are your averages.

The N’s justify the means.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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My pregnant wife was intentionally irritating me while I was taking a shower...

I said, "Can I please just shower in peace?"

She replied, "I have a bag in the freezer if you want some."

I stonefaced her but it brought a tear to me eye, she's gonna be such a good dad. ^(Explanation ^since ^I ^know ^someone ^will ^ask: ^peace ^sounds ^like ^peas)

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WrexKwonDo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2017
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Did you hear about the circus fire?

It was intents

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Mt. Everest expedition that got snowed in?

They said their nights were intents....

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manthe43
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Had my first camping experience last week

It was pretty intents

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pax_flash
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Mitochondria would be a great prison nickname.

They'd be the powerhouse of the cell.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lazztronica
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Front page of today's Toronto Star. Not sure if intentional...
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hightechlowlife
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2013
🚨︎ report
This is intense.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adrianorivera
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
/r/BlackFathers will now be a positive and supportive community for Black and POC fathers

https://i.imgur.com/GlXV2kE.gifv

Reddit admins have recently granted ownership of /r/BlackFathers to myself and a group of other Black/POC mods, and it is our intention to make this a positive and supportive community. This is a place where Black/POC fathers and their family, friends, and colleagues can find helpful resources, welcoming content, and a safe space to learn from each other and share our experience.

Content of all types are welcome so long as the subject/focus of the content is supportive of Black/POC fathers. We look forward to seeing you there.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigJ76
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Physical dad jokes
  • Pretending to pick fleas out of my kids hair and then eating them.
  • Waving back at people who clearly aren't waving at me.
  • Intentionally missing a high five.
  • Pressing the car horn when I'm in the passenger seat and the teenager is driving slowly past other people.
  • Answering "Yes dear" in a falsetto voice when one of the kids yells for mum.

What else have you got?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I took a pole today and found out that 100% of people get upset when a tent falls on top of them.
πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CHEEZY_21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
This wasn't even intentional

Me and my friends are sitting around the TV and listening listening to you get what you give by the Maine.

My one friend points to me and my other buddy, jim, and asks "didn't U2 do a cover of this?"

To which I reply "no I've never sang with Jim"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
🚨︎ report
I stubbed my toe and got scolded by my parents for yelling β€œWhat the duck”

They were angry that I used fowl language

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inceptionisim
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I just did a somersault.

It wasn't intentional, but I rolled with it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastedApple3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Is that intentional?

This happened today while cooking cookies, it got a bit hectic and things got misplaced.
"Why is there a knife in the fridge?"
"For cold cuts."

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techniforus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Camping is intents
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
did you know that camping is intents
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gl1tchhh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle.

Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle.

You may hear some crosswords.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report

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