Informs Puns

The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."

The wife said "was it murder"? The officer said "no madam it was suicide" The wife said how" can you tell"? The police said - "On the cctv your husbund climbed out of the vat 5 times for a pee!"

Stop, A head!

Me: Then you'll have a faux-knee (phony).

A dad walks up to his son and says, "Son, I think it's about time I told you about your real heritage. You see son, you're half-Arabic." The son is very surprised: "What?! Dad, I thought we were white!"

The dad fumbles around behind his back for a minute and says, "I know it comes as a shock, but I think in time, I can help you embrace your roots." He then pulls a paper bag from behind his back and puts it on his head: "In the meantime, you can call me BAG DAD."

He replied, "That's a shame. I really liked their music."

I responded, “That’s not right.”With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”

You now have to give your 2 cents

The Datacombs.

Early sources say it's groundbreaking

I don’t have anything ready, but I should be able to cobble something together.

He smiled and then added firmly, "well, I won't stand in your way!"

Because they are always on the Web

Thesaurus

Two bits.

The first order of business is asking everyone to ease off the "I was going to tell a ____ joke, but..." format for a while. Too many are reporting those as reposts. I like them, but there is the "comedic rule of 3," so maybe we can lay off telling them for a while. That goes for various permutations of this setup as well. So let's try not to wear others' punderwear.

Next, we have an issue with too many reporting things that are not in violation of either our rules or site-wide rules, and falsely accusing power users and karma-getters of being spambots. Our overall policy is not to remove high-karma posts unless they are actual commercial spam or are told at the expense of marginalized groups (per Reddit's sitewide rule #1). Please do not use the Report button as a "super downvote."

Then, there probably needs to be a reminder to try avoiding the "one-joke" style of puns. I like them, but Reddit doesn't like them (sitewide rule #1) and they are outside our rules too (rule #7). I wish we could host those here as I find them funny, and I don't appreciate folks who are overly thin-skinned. The Reddit admins seem to have a zero-tolerance stance against such jokes/puns, even if there are no hateful motives underneath.

And of course, I want to remind the users here that they are just awesome! Without you, this sub would not be what it is.

If others want to make puns about this below, feel free! And as always, have fun!

Internet n’ Yahoo.

The mewsroom.

They literally don’t get IT

I can't see how the extra four years would help

After he is served the beer he asks the guy next to him to watch his drink while he uses the bathroom. He does his business, and when he returns the guy watching the drink says “I wouldn’t drink that if I were you.”

“Why not?” He asks.

“That monkey over there, came over and peed in it” he informs him.

“What,” says the man, “whose monkey is that!?”

“I think it’s the piano player’s monkey,” the other guy tells him.

The man goes up to the piano player and says, “hey, do you know your monkey peed in my beer?”

The pianist replies, “no, but if you hum it I’ll try to play it.”

When I arrived on time he was super surprised. I told him me too; but there was no congestion

Bro, sure.

I guess the old saying is true: where there's Snoke, there's fire.

I asked if they get a buzz cut. He looked at me dumbfounded.

We were at a Krispy Kreme and she asked for Two Mini donuts. I ordered a dozen. She looks at me and asks, “why did you order 12 donuts? There’s no way we are eating 12 donuts.” When I asked why, she said “That’s too many….” I put on sun glasses as she walked right into the punchline. She has informed me that I am not allowed to speak to her till at least tomorrow.

The first and last letters are a mile apart

can't she just skip to the pointe already?

With an itheberg.

I was surprised when she told me I was her oldest patient by far. I asked how that was possible and she replied, "You tell me. I figured anyone born in A.D. 7 would be dead by now."

Like I explained: "Mini Hans make light work."

AHIPPA- crit!

I view this as the ultimate form of gaslighting.

They said they would look into it.

I responded that "I really was sick! I just have a weekend immune system!"

It’s en-cryptid

some·thing/ˈsəmˌTHiNG/pronoun

1. 1.a thing that is unspecified or unknown."we stopped for something to eat"
2. 2.used in various expressions indicating that a description or amount being stated is not exact."a wry look, something between amusement and regret"

adverb

1. 1.INFORMALused for emphasis with a following adjective functioning as an adverb."my back hurts something terrible"
2. 2.ARCHAIC•DIALECTto some extent; somewhat."the people were something scared"

Let that sink in

then it’s a soap opera

Or dat information?

But he wasn't worried. He knew just the place Togo.

(Reference: https://dw.com/en/ousted-burkina-faso-leader-damiba-in-togo-after-coup-government/a-63322456)

“You know, eye tea?”

She rolled her eyes and walked away.