I'm looking to make acquaintances with a person of great wickedness or maliciousness...

Asking for fiend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Should old acquaintance be forgot...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flyingtiger79
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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[OC] What does a bee do when it meets a new acquaintance?

He beefriends it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Judoosauce
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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What do you call a couple of spuds who got acquainted in a deep fryer?

Friend fries.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trollcitybandit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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I’m only acquainted with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don’t know Y.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JerryTheFool
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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An acquaintance asked me what I do for work now that I'm no longer an actor.

I told him, "Not show business."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IchWillRingen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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How can I become closer than acquaintances with people?

I'm just asking for a friend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomas_nook
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
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What are the best beverages to serve dead acquaintances?

Casual-teas

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sharxbyte
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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I was telling my friend Ted about a drug dependent acquaintance, who always comes off as rude. I told my friend:

β€œHe is a dick, Ted.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inkuu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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Dadjoked an acquaintance at a wedding. Welcome to the family!

At a wedding I had just met this guy Cory when he tells the waitress

Him: I need an extra plate for her (his daughter), I'm sharin'

Me: I thought you were Cory!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2014
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Auld Lang Sang
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJLoughlin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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I recently became sick, so all of my senses are messed up and food tastes different than it used to

I guess my taste buds are now just taste acquaintances

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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Got by roommate over breakfast today.

While drinking coffee and eating dates, my roommate asked me "What were dates before they were dates?" "They were acquaintances" I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluffy_Mcquacks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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The owner of our office space came into the office today to announce that he was going to be on holidays for the next few weeks in Paris, at a beautiful spot right on the river.

I said "I hope being so close to the river doesn't make you go InSeine..."

Surprisingly, I got a pretty good laugh considering it was my first time meeting the guy. My colleague, who is more acquainted with my antics, rolled her eyes :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/faceoftheancients
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2016
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I made an accidental dad joke.

I'm a second year university student. I was walking back to my room and walked into an acquaintance. We're both computer geeks more or less, and I was carrying my laptop with me. I started making some simple smalltalk when he noticed my laptop.

"Oh! Is that a Dell?"

Me: "oh!...Yeah! It's a Dell, but not the singer."

Continued to walk past, as this encounter took an entire 10 seconds at most

Random passerby that overheard in a hearty tone: "Hey! That was funny!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arretezz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
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I took this girl I was seeing out for some Indian food today.

Not being well-acquainted with Indian food, we ordered an appetizer at random. It was deep fried and we couldn't really tell what was in it.

Her: For all we know, we could be eating chicken eyes right now.

Me: Nah, I'm pretty sure I know how they look.

She sighed, but failed in stifling her smile.

I'm only twenty two, but I can feel the dadforce growing in me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehgreatiam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
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My dad's brilliant macabre one liner

So my dad was talking to an acquaintance of ours, who is a landlord. My dad's acquaintance said he went in to check on one of his tenants and found him dead in his Lay-Z-Boy watching TV, remote still in hand and T.V still running. My dad's response on hearing this bit of news "Welp, I bet he wasn't watching the Life Channel"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deutschbag17
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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I am well acquainted with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I am well acquainted with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Steven Wright

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Intagvalley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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