They'll probably be very upset I told you.
They always let out a little wine.
He takes things personally.
A crisis
She said, “What the hell are these?”
I said, “It’s the little things that count.”
That would mean a banana tree is a nuclear plant.
They are so good at pointing out everything men do wrong already.
Because they take things personally.
They make up everything!
I'm still an asshole
'Em Oceans
But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.
And as his secretary says...
No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.
I called it Nonsenseodyne.
... but nowadays, when someone gets Botox, nobody raises an eyebrow!
Vulner.
That was the last straw.
Terrible joke. Only 3 stars.
The pianist.
"I won't offend it then"
I think you could hear my eyes rolling.
So I leaned in real close to it and whispered, "You're doing good, little guy. I believe in you."
I said to her "maybe your skin should find a safe corner"
Dad: "Hey let's go eat at that new restaurant over there"
Unsuspecting victim: "It's not new, the sign says 'Serving delicious food since 1923'"
Dad: "Yeah, that was only... dramatically looks at watch... 24 minutes ago!"
Because it sounded like a "Caw Caw Phony".
Sensitive viewers are advised to avert their gays
I told them "I hope that includes the tip."
Family was discussing how my brother's ex-girlfriend's grandmother is being transported to RI to be buried after passing away in Florida.
Me: Isn't it sorta weird... you know.. that there could be a dead person flying in a plane en route to Rhode Island.
Dad: No, not really. I'd say the guy she was sitting next to would be the only one a little creeped out.
It said it is supposed to be case sensitive.
They’re really sensitive.
I guess he has a cent sensitivity.
FYI: I thought of this joke last night at work, so to me it’s OC but I wouldn’t be surprised if someone else thought of it before me. Either way I figured I’d share it, if someone posted it before me feel free to link it.
You are YOU, and nobody on this planet can change that other than yourself. So don’t let people get to you. (I say this because I get slightly bullied and also I’m sensitive to what people think of me, but after telling myself this I no longer feel the need to stress about people’s thoughts about me)
My bad sense of humour got me banned from /r/pcmastterace.
I was discussing distance from monitors with another user and they replied with "just touching the monitor when I do a hitler pose." I got banned after I said I was happy to have heilped in any way that I canpf.
I should have guessed that pcmasterrace mods were very sensitive to any racist references, but I did nazi the ban coming.
https://www.reddit.com/r/pcmasterrace/comments/79853x/50_more_for_a_1440p_monitor/dp03xd6/
I will now take suggestions on how to be more sensitive to deaf people. I'm all ears!
- As a ventroliquist, I made one of my dummies sing a song by the GoGos. I'm not going to tell you how I did it. My lips are sealed!
- Im the only council member against the construction of the beach. Im going against the grain!
- Why did God make me a conjoined twin? Im beside myself!
- I put aluminum on a villain's mind control devices. I foiled his plan!
- Even though I'm scared of heights, I still go skydiving with this girl I like. Im falling for her!
- My shoelace company collapsed. I couldn't make ends meet!
- I like using misdirection in my jokes to make people laugh. Or do I?
- I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a hotdog. I'm on a roll!
- I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a nerd. I'm honor roll!
- The answer to this question, "Who's the president of the United States?" is a no-brainer.
- I finished a race the other day. I won 'cause I killed all the Kenyans!
- I don't know how to wear a wig. At least not off the top of my head.
- I went grocery shopping at Harris Teeter for a 50% off everything sale. I went in for a carrot and came out with a half, which is why I now shop at Whole Foods!
- If youre being attacked by zombies, just throw a party! Nobody wants to kill the life of the party!
- I used to date a girl, who still uses a nightlight. What a turn-off!
Those Catholics are real sensitive sometimes
It was a foursome... Al, Jerry and Gerry. To ease confusion, we just call the (G)Jerry’s by the first letter of their name... so Jay and Gee.
Anyways, we were playing the other day and I could tell that someone was wearing cologne. Why on a golf course? I don’t know.
Now I’m kinda sensitive to odors and aromas and, sure enough, after a few holes, my eyes start to water and I start to sneeze.
I turn to Jay and say “I think I’m allergic to someone’s cologne”
Jay responds, “Hmmm, I’m not wearing cologne, it must be Al or Gee’s”
Sensitive teeth
They'll be really upset that I told you.
He takes things personally.
