Robin get in the car.
Teacher: “So I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”
The teacher has everyone turn their body over
Teacher: “Now I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”
all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first
Teacher: “Okay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”
The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked
As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, “now see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.
With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz
Unstable.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
He gave her a ring
Sam sung
Son: "Mom, Dad's russian!!"
So we’ve got this FisherPrice Projector Mobile thing that projects a rotating imaging onto the ceiling. (Very nice little thing, highly suggest for babies)
Anyways... We’ve got it set up in the living room and Wife, Son, and I are laying on the ground in the dark watching it go round and round. It’s Jungle Themed, so a lion, elephant giraffe, tiger, a few monkeys, and so on...
We’re pointing out the different animals to Son and he’s repeating a few words here and there... When he starts waving and saying “Hi” as a new animal rotates in.
So Wife goes, “Here comes the Lion. Can you say Hi to the Lion?”
And Son waves and says “Hi!” and giggles.
Wife: “And there’s an Elephant! Can you Hi to the Elephant?”
Son: “Hi... toots”
Wife: “Yes! Toots! And here’s the next animal. Can you wave to the tiger?”
Son: “Hi!”
Wife: “That’s the ‘Hi of the Tiger’”
Me: “... 💀 💀 💀”
Wife: “You love me... Look Son! A Zebra!”
r/dadjokes on you!
Because he couldn't sprint
Just in case Mr Onion rings.
I always need to console myself.
A minor detail.
Because they have a supreme ruler.
Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold kind stranger!
Edit: Credit to r/Teenagers for this
Tuber simulator
An autumn-mobile!
Red paint.
I thought to myself... "that's a little racist"
Robin: “What the hell is a tery?”
Mobile homes
A trophy.
Wild Bill Hickock
I think we really need to upgrade our plumbers.
He explained to that it was a call from his wife, so he wasn't talking on the phone, just listening.
The cops let him go.
But every time I visit the countryside I get soft and lose my edge
Age is clearly a word
When Chuck Norris attends a feminist rally he comes back with his shirt ironed. :)
It’s whisky business
In 1,000 years, snails will evolve into being an advanced civilization. They will develop their own advanced technologies. In an effort to increase their mobility, they will equip their shells to be modular vehicles called Snail Cars, S-Car for short. Since snails do not have upper extremities, controlling the cars will be voice activated. The initiation command would be, "S-Car, GO!" 😂🤣
virgin mobile.
