The local bartender moved his pub to the summit of a mountain and the quality of his drinks improved
He really raised the bar on that one
π︎ 351
π
︎ Apr 12 2021
Always improve and sharpen yourself
π︎ 47
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
LPT: If you are trying to stay in a hotel thatβs completely booked, just tell the receptionist that your name is βimprovementβ.
Because thereβs always room for improvement.
π︎ 370
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
I never thought my chiropractor would improve my posture...
π︎ 108
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
So I started that Ketogenic diet and my bowel movements have improved drastically!
So this is just a βquality shit postβ
π︎ 25
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
How have we not improved on margarine more?
I can't believe it's not better.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 23 2021
My son improved the glue joke, "Hows that new glue"
Son: "It's holding up."
He rattles these off as I read r/dadjokes to him
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
My doctor told me that I was going to have to make some sacrifices to improve my health....
Anyone know if he meant human or animals ?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
When's the best time to visit the dentist?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
Carrots may improve your eyes
But booze will double your vision
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
There was a knight whose job it was to guard other knights while they sleep
But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.
π︎ 78
π
︎ Apr 03 2021
How do you improve your archery?
With better arrow dynamics.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
Why is wearing glasses during math classes important?
π︎ 34
π
︎ May 14 2021
The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
Viagra is now available in a teabag format. It doesn't improve your performance...
....but it stops your biscuit from getting soft..
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project youβre working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
Have you seen a gentoo penguin?
Such an improvement over the Gen1 models!
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 17 2021
So, you do understand how constantly treating life like an improv class is unhealthy right?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
What do you call a country of male deer with no capacity for self-improvement?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
It's true whiskey improves with age.
The older I get the more I like it.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Bought a new padlock to improve my beehive
Now itβs in-bee-leavable!!!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 10 2020
During lockdown my origami skills have improved...
π︎ 41
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
The mods have a new way of improving the jokes we submit. They now add smell to all the jokes and rate them according to their odour. One mod adds some floral funniness, another tweaks them with sweet smile appeal and a third makes sure they contain a few obnoxious puns.
From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
Improved
π︎ 113
π
︎ Nov 29 2019
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
I went to the Home Improvement store this weekend and walked past the stud finders...
The noise was unbearable.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:
πΊ Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.
πΊ Beer can help protect your heart.
πΊ Beer helps prevent kidney stones.
πΊ Beer lowers bad cholesterol.
πΊ Beer strengthens your bones.
πΊ Beer helps reduce stress.
πΊ Beer may help improve memory.
πΊ Beer helps cognitive function.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 10 2021
My friend found a sturdy piece of lumber to place within his guitar to improve the vibrations...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 24 2020
Who improved the art of stealing to perfection?
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 16 2020
I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 24 2020
I tried old spice today
Didnβt really improve my Chinese food
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
My English skills and mental health need improvement, but my math skills are fine.
Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 20 2020
I bought a book on how to improve your memory.
Forgot where I left it.....
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 25 2020
They should improve their marketeang
π︎ 21
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
Day 8: I used to be hokey pokey
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
My ex-wife still misses me
But her aim is starting to improve.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
Did you hear about the most recent Vietnamese automobile?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
Gradually improving at binary
π︎ 96
π
︎ Mar 28 2019
What kind of vitamin improves your eyesight?
π︎ 37
π
︎ Oct 23 2019
YOU KNOW YOUβRE A DAD WHENβ¦
β’ you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.
β’ you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure youβll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.
β’ you change your carβs oil exactly every 2,000 miles.
β’ mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.
β’ you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.
β’ your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
With daily practice, the lumberjackβs musical ability improved
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 19 2020
I must admit my wife's cooking has really improved....
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
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