Knock Knock.
Who's there?
I'm a pile up.
I heard on the news there was a guy in town stealing the wheels of police cars. The cops are working tirelessly to catch him
My wife : That sounds strange.
Me : Dozen tit
Imma cashew
Homogeneous
Boobies
Imma head out before y'all yell at me
I just cant put it down
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right.
But if you spelled it with an A, it'd be aight.
I told him to stop Russian about
They’re always thinking “NahImmaStay”
I shifted my seat to look out of the window to stare at the wall directly across the street.
Imma wall street banker now
“I dunno but imma peonies.”
Ok, so this one needs a bit of buildup.
At the time (a week or so ago) I was making a homebrew item for DnD (for the uninformed, Homebrew are custom made items/classes/spells to use in a DnD game at the discretion of the DM (Dungeon Master)).
I had shown this item (shameless plug) to my friend (who is also the DM of the campaign I'm in now) in the hopes of using it in the campaign. He had pointed out that the item was a bit OP for it's cost and that the homebrew page I had made for it was too long. We were discussing ways to improve both the item and the page, and then got on the topic of magic items in general.
It went something along the lines of this:
DM: ... you can't really destroy a magic item before removing the magic from it. Like, you could try to melt down a magic sword for example, but all that would really do is make it too hot to hold. You could even bend it, but not outright destroy it.
Me: That's gotta be one pissed off magic sword.
DM: I mean, yeah, if it's sentient.
Me: Maybe it got so angry at being bent, that it gains sentience just spite you or something.
DM: Well, yeah maybe.
And this, people of reddit, is when the PUN, popped into my head.
Me: *leans in* you could say that the sword gained sentience cuz it got... bent out of shape.
A second or two of silence, and I see the pun register in his head, and I fucking lost it.
I then laugh for a straight minute. After about ten secunds of me busting a gut, he said "Aight, Imma head out"
We're cool now, but he really didn't want to talk to me the next day.
A boa constuctor
A Tea Leave
Nah, Imma stay (namaste)
Imma bayou a drink
"Imma firin Malaysia!"
Now thats some good carma
Yea imma head out...
i'd tell you a joke about bones. but it probably wont be a humerus as it should be. tibia honest, it doesnt have a lot of back bone put into it. it'll just make me seem like a numb skull anyways so, imma go skullking in the bar. see ya
A little tip: When you’re out eating with friends and they ask if you want salt or not,all you gotta say is ‘Yea’ or ‘Na’.
Imma cashew!
He said "nah, imma stay."
ImmaGRATED cheese.
What did the pimp say to the woman when she asked, "What are you going to wear to the party?"
....
Imma wear WOLF!
All I can think of/find is shrek jokes and "The owner/Fiona" puns. It would be great if you guys can help.
