So once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.
Because of eating disorder.
My boyfriend got me this morning.
He was making silly faces, squishing his chin into his neck to make a bunch of neckrolls. He looked at me and said, "You love my neckrolls, though, right?" I replied, "Ohh yeah, I do!"
Then he nailed me, "Guess that makes you a neck-roll-pheliac."
Never thought I'd hear that one...
I was in my room watching a YouTube video of someone playing Dishonored on my laptop. My dad came in and asked what I was doing. I said I was watching a video game. He's asked what video game it was. I said "It's called Dishonored." His response was "What about Dat-honored?" I fell off my chair at how funny and just plain bad his response was. He's always quoting jokes from this subreddit, so I thought I'd post one about his dad joke.
He said "There was a sail."
Because in winter you can keep adding more layers until you are warm but in summer you can only take off so many before you are arrested
It’s called Diarrhoea of a Madman
I dun made dat un up mah-self
That's a movie.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
He becomes a high priest
2020, 24 hours to go...
Holger was sawing wood in his backyard when he was approached by a salesman who said, “You know, you could be sawing twice as much wood if you got an electric saw.”
“Dat may be so,” said Holger, “but I don’t need twice as much wood.”
should get a no bell prize.
The workers in a thick Japanese accent said DAT SOON
Because they like the taste of defeat.
He said to me:
What's Dat Boi's favourite form of social media?
Oh shit, WhatsApp.
So many heavenly bodies.
".....cuz you got dat assssss, ma!"
I spit out my cornflakes and ironically was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.
(Works better when you say it out loud).
Do you know why it's called Staten Island?
Because when people first got there, they looked across the water and said 'S'dat-an island?'
He used to pantomime the punchline by shielding his eyes from the sun and squinting.
They did nazi that coming.
I asked him how he came up with the names and he got all excited and said: "Because they are all syncing"
Only dad...
1. What is the most important drink in life?
Vitali-tea.
2. What do you call an uptight man with wet tapestry?
A wet blanket with a wet blanket.
3. Describe an uptight man with an erection holding an alcoholic beverage.
A stiff with a stiff with a stiff.
4. What do you call introverted window blinds?
A shutter-in.
5. What do you call an uncooked deer cookie?
Dat doe dough 'dough.
6. What do you call a plant's religion?
Agri-culture.
7. What do you call a football players' phone charger?
A Charger's phone charger.
8. What do you call a clock tower striking twelve?
High noon.
That's all I got.
"Hey bruh, 's dat chu?"
A Smashing Pumpkins track started playing. (Mayonnaise)
My dad perked up and said he liked it. I told him it was on the same album as "Disarm".
He paused for a moment before sheepishly smiling and said "Disarm, or dat arm?"
Thanks for the laugh this morning, dad.
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.
An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”
Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.
I named my hard drive “dat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to ‘back dat ass up’.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
I changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.
I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn’t have internet.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar
... keep reading on reddit ➡A Japanese auto company was looking for a name for their new company. Knowing the importance for the name they called the famous German marketing firm and flew him out for a meeting. At the end of the presentation the Japanese CEO asked if he had any questions. The German: How quickly do you need the new name Japanese CEO: 48 hours German: Dat-Soon!
Ba da ba
Yes it was a groaner
Edit: formatting fell through
Once while watching the original Planet of the Apes, my Dad walks in to inform me that dinner is ready. He stops, looks at the screen and says, "Hey is this Roots?"
I told her to calm down and put dat other one on.
But then dat knee starting acting up
Because of eating disorder.
