True dat.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nibbadvcky
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Not Dat knee
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Dat dill doe
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwanNuggets
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Dats one way of looking at it
πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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I named my hard drive "dat ass"

So once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Sir, why aren't you eating dat order?

Because of eating disorder.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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True dat
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AisianToenail
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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Dat ass do
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theawkwardBrett
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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Dat name tho
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyt1m
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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What do you mean DAT isn't a word? v.redd.it/z7kj92557h721
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctzn4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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Dat...
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/immatellyouwhat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/43eyes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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Dat ass
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eliotwho
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2014
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Dat chubby face doe

My boyfriend got me this morning.

He was making silly faces, squishing his chin into his neck to make a bunch of neckrolls. He looked at me and said, "You love my neckrolls, though, right?" I replied, "Ohh yeah, I do!"

Then he nailed me, "Guess that makes you a neck-roll-pheliac."

Never thought I'd hear that one...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themerriestbear
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
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Dat-honored.

I was in my room watching a YouTube video of someone playing Dishonored on my laptop. My dad came in and asked what I was doing. I said I was watching a video game. He's asked what video game it was. I said "It's called Dishonored." His response was "What about Dat-honored?" I fell off my chair at how funny and just plain bad his response was. He's always quoting jokes from this subreddit, so I thought I'd post one about his dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Only1Chapter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2014
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I asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat?

He said "There was a sail."

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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Everything is treble
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DefNotInTheOven
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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I have always preffered winter more than summer

Because in winter you can keep adding more layers until you are warm but in summer you can only take off so many before you are arrested

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrejb22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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/r/puns appreciates it.
πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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Have you heard about Ozzy Osbourne’s new concept album about Donald Trump’s attack of gastric flu?

It’s called Diarrhoea of a Madman

I dun made dat un up mah-self

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tony-2112
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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What do rappers say when they finish recording?

That's a movie.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leif_hans
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I’m trying to convince my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.

But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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What happens when your local pastor smokes a blunt?

He becomes a high priest

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Germans have a word for everything..

It is "alles".

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-jFk-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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Rock bottom
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_THIS_NUMBERS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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At midnight it will officially be Ramones time.

2020, 24 hours to go...

πŸ‘︎ 188
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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Scandinavian Joke of the Day

Holger was sawing wood in his backyard when he was approached by a salesman who said, β€œYou know, you could be sawing twice as much wood if you got an electric saw.”

β€œDat may be so,” said Holger, β€œbut I don’t need twice as much wood.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/General_Hyde
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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Whoever invented the knock-knock joke

should get a no bell prize.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Oh baby a triple
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tenth_Doctor_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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Alright....time for a classic. The Ceo of Datsun was talking to his other high ranking workers when it had just been founded and said, you have 2 days to come up with a name for our company

The workers in a thick Japanese accent said DAT SOON

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BF1gamerz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Why do people with foot fetishes never win?

Because they like the taste of defeat.

πŸ‘︎ 330
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wwrxw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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My dad has just discovered memes...

He said to me:

What's Dat Boi's favourite form of social media?

Oh shit, WhatsApp.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/domlyttle
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2016
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Astronomy is a rather sexy science.

So many heavenly bodies.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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What's the opposite of Disney?

Dat knee.

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grimgrimgrin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2017
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My dad just used this pickup line on my mom at breakfast: "Hey Babe..... do you have an inhaler?"

".....cuz you got dat assssss, ma!"

I spit out my cornflakes and ironically was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

πŸ‘︎ 328
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
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My grandfathers favorite joke:

(Works better when you say it out loud).

Do you know why it's called Staten Island?

Because when people first got there, they looked across the water and said 'S'dat-an island?'

He used to pantomime the punchline by shielding his eyes from the sun and squinting.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kazneus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
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Two nazis walked into a BAR.

They did nazi that coming.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pitbull2737
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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My dad named his iPhone "Titanic 1", his iPad "Titanic 2", and his iMac "Titanic 3"...

I asked him how he came up with the names and he got all excited and said: "Because they are all syncing"

Only dad...

πŸ‘︎ 556
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πŸ‘€︎ u/burton_gaster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2013
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A pail o' puns!

1. What is the most important drink in life?

Vitali-tea.

2. What do you call an uptight man with wet tapestry?

A wet blanket with a wet blanket.

3. Describe an uptight man with an erection holding an alcoholic beverage.

A stiff with a stiff with a stiff.

4. What do you call introverted window blinds?

A shutter-in.

5. What do you call an uncooked deer cookie?

Dat doe dough 'dough.

6. What do you call a plant's religion?

Agri-culture.

7. What do you call a football players' phone charger?

A Charger's phone charger.

8. What do you call a clock tower striking twelve?

High noon.

That's all I got.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StickDemonic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2016
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What did the New-Zealander Statue say to the Jewish statue?

"Hey bruh, 's dat chu?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/auMatech
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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What type of corn grows the tallest?

An acorn! :D

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darbymowell
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2016
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Was in the car with my dad this morning...

A Smashing Pumpkins track started playing. (Mayonnaise)

My dad perked up and said he liked it. I told him it was on the same album as "Disarm".

He paused for a moment before sheepishly smiling and said "Disarm, or dat arm?"

Thanks for the laugh this morning, dad.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_radioteque
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
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Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.


Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.


There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.


In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.


Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.


An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks β€œmay I join you?”


Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.


I named my hard drive β€œdat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to β€˜back dat ass up’.


I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


I changed my password to β€œincorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say β€œYour password is incorrect”.


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.


Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.


I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn’t have internet.


A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.


Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
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Dad joke my dad used to tell me... old joke

A Japanese auto company was looking for a name for their new company. Knowing the importance for the name they called the famous German marketing firm and flew him out for a meeting. At the end of the presentation the Japanese CEO asked if he had any questions. The German: How quickly do you need the new name Japanese CEO: 48 hours German: Dat-Soon!

Ba da ba

Yes it was a groaner

Edit: formatting fell through

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash662244
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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Slightly offensive, but this one always stuck with me.

Once while watching the original Planet of the Apes, my Dad walks in to inform me that dinner is ready. He stops, looks at the screen and says, "Hey is this Roots?"

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BookhouseCory
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2013
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My thoughts were with Disney this morning

But then dat knee starting acting up

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GerryAtrick1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
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Over the holidays my wife is in distress.

I told her to calm down and put dat other one on.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Artiquecircle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
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Sir, why aren't you eating dat order?

Because of eating disorder.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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