He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.
That was the punchline
Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless
Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"
I did not know.
So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"
So proud.
She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
handshakes
But Patrick is the star.
He said no.
Poetry.
A barberqueue
Curiosity killed the cat :(
I know he means well.
Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
A skele-ton!
He’s assembling his cabinet.
..... oof !!
K9P
Water. Butane is a lighter fluid
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
..a duel meaning.
I said "Yes, dad. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong".
He then asked me if I had heard of Coles Law
"No, dad. What is that one"?
He says, "thinly sliced cabbage".
..why would I want two empty glasses..!?
“thank you for your cervix.”
I told him to keep it up!
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
Terrible joke, only three stars.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
I don't know how to deal with it.
I got 1,500,000 matches
….so his doctor gave him medication for Hispanic attacks.
They lactose
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
Who buys gummy worms hoping they’d taste as close to real worms as possible?
Real Stupid
The man says to the bartender “1 for me, and 1 for the road”
I guess I suffer from premature ejokeulation
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.
I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.
When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."
From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"
Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.
Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
