What do you call a fried potato who is being held hostage?
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︎ Jan 09 2021
I held the nuts in a poker game once,
It meant a great deal to me.
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︎ Dec 12 2020
A clown held the door open for me
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
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︎ Apr 25 2020
Letting you all know that I've volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials held here in Melbourne. I received my first shot at 9.00 am this morning
Itβs completely safe with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and im currently feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΟ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Once upon a time in numberland, a three-person race was held
In it took part the Minus sign, and the numbers zero and -2. All three ended the race at precisely the same time.
-2, Minus Won; 0 Won Too.
(Reddit, I am counting on you to make this stupid joke popular!)
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︎ Oct 18 2020
I once held a world record
For the Worldβs Youngest Human Being.
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 16 2020
This morning my 1 year old who can't walk very well held my hand and stepped down from a curb.
So young and already making great strides in life.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 08 2020
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︎ Sep 06 2020
Mr. Bigger held his newborn son.
Who was taller?
The baby was a little Bigger.
Mr. Bigger went to the hydroelectric plant.
Now he's Bigger by a dam site.
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 18 2020
What do you call a bowl of soup held upside down?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 24 2020
The World Health Organization has determined that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. All dogs being held in quarantine will be released.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
Why was the chicken held in contempt of court?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 18 2020
A man held up a pizza joint at knifepoint
No one knows whoβll get the slice
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︎ May 17 2020
News: 1 man dead after being held hostage at gun point today
"You think these people would learn to stop hanging out at gun point already"
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︎ Apr 10 2020
Why are funerals always held on weekends?
Because they're sadder days
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︎ Mar 10 2020
My scrabble tray held the letters to make the word "STRIDES"
I have to be careful playing them though, or it could spell disaster.
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 17 2019
The Supreme Court held a session today to decide whether Justice Ginsburg should step down
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 31 2020
Do you know where the first Winter Olympics were held?
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 23 2019
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 03 2019
I used to wonder why I felt held down all the time.
But I guess thatβs just the way gravity works.
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 02 2020
Did you hear about the guy who held the world record for most time spent on the toilet?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 12 2020
I just need dad joke enthusiasts to know that the International Poultry Meat Congress is held in Turkey this year.
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︎ Apr 24 2019
A mobster held an internet naming competition for his newborn kid.
The winning submission was Baby McBabyFace.
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 16 2019
I don't get it, Catholic Woman-Sticks Held Together by Chain?
π︎ 48
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︎ Dec 09 2018
So I held a stud detector up to myself.
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 28 2019
A mannequin at Victoria Secret wasn't wearing anything, but held a sign that read "sale"
Perhaps they were having a flash sale?
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 15 2019
My local church recently held a masquerade themed dinner and whilst the priest was saying grace I suddenly realised...
It was a blessing in disguise.
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︎ Jan 29 2019
Did you know the Bible actually predicted that gay parades would be held during the summer?
Pride comes before the fall.
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︎ Aug 31 2019
Saw a show on how ships are held together
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︎ Feb 04 2019
Yesterday a clown held a Door open for me
I thought it was a nice jester
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 18 2020
A clown held the door open for me today
I thought that it was a nice jester
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I held the door open for a clown
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 02 2020
The other day I held the door open for a clown
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︎ Aug 24 2020
A clown held the door open for me today.
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 22 2020
Yesterday a clown held the door for me.
π︎ 10
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︎ May 08 2020
This morning a clown held the door for me.
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︎ Jan 04 2020
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
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︎ Mar 13 2020
I held the door for a clown the other day
π︎ 24
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︎ Jan 09 2020
Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.
π︎ 23k
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︎ Apr 28 2017
I held the door open for a clown today
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︎ Oct 21 2019
A man dressed as a clown held the door open for me today at the store.
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︎ Jul 31 2019
A clown held the door for me today
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 10 2019
Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal,
and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.
π︎ 15
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︎ Oct 14 2019
Today a clown held a door open for me.
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︎ Nov 18 2018
A clown held the door open for me yesterday
I thought that was a nice jester.
π︎ 16
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︎ Jun 10 2019
Yesterday a clown held the door for me.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Aug 06 2019
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