Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
There was a knight whose job it was to guard other knights while they sleep
But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.
Don't let your guard down
What did the Australian guard say to the prisoner?
A guard’s boss didn’t bother congratulate him on his recent success and started to cry.
Seeing this, a robber sneaked past, and when the boss ended up being in the next room, the boss asked, “how’d you get past security?” In response to this, the robber said “you let your guard down.”
My Stepdad was a Magician who lost his Magic and became a Guard instead
I crossed the border into Mexico without much hassle. Crossing it a second time was fine too, but on the third time a guard stopped me and said “Sorry
My daughter(7) just caught me off guard with this.
Daughter : Whats Nana's middle name?
Me: the same as mommies, I think
Daughter: her middle name is just i think?
I'm so proud. Sorry if I don't know how to format, I tried.
What kind of guard only protects plants?
Do you know why the security guard is not the champion?
Because he is not the best of the mall
Today I saw a prison guard berating a dwarf inmate who was trying to escape by climbing down a drainpipe.
I thought it was a little condescending.
What do you call a strict crossing guard?
I only like two deodorants, Sure and Right Guard
Feel free to disagree, that’s just my two scents.
Don't let your guard down.
Who'd want to be Trump's security guard ?
you shout "Donald, Duck" & everybody would just laugh
Are the guards at the Paralympics armed?
Or is that considered cheating?
Why couldn’t the life guard save the hippy?
Because he was too far out, man
At the beach, opposite the life guard, a man sleeps on a towel, adjacent an unopened umbrella.
When he wakes up, he's going to be a tan gent.
What do dentists and security guards have in common?
What do you call security guards who guard Samsung stores.
Guardians of the Galaxies
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?
What do you call a guard at the Samsung store?
A guardian of the galaxy!
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
My wife volunteers as a school crossing guard.
I tell everyone she’s into human trafficking.
What’s the difference between a jeweler and a prison guard?
one watches cells and one sells watches
Do you think Shakira calls her body guards her shakiraty guards?
What did the kindergarten teacher say to the kindergarten security guard?
You can watch the kids, but don't Overwatch them.
That's just creepy...
Last November 5, i was caught off guard when I was approached by a stranger angrily telling me to butt out of his romantic affairs.
As if i care who that Guy F××××s.
The presidents guards aren’t allowed to scream “get down” before the president is attacked anymore.
They have to yell “Donald, Duck!”
Edit: whoever gave me the gold award, thank you so much. I would repay you in a way, but I don’t know who you are.
What do you call a security guard for a trampoline?
When does the dwarf that is a knight, guard the castle?
How do guards decide who the best prisoner is?
Apparently, having a guard stationed outside your home
Is a practice thats sentries old
Who was the Knight that was caught off guard in the battle field?
I killed the guards for internet to post this,they are coming soon,1 upvote= 1 dies
I know a really great joke about the Army Reserve and National Guard...
But it only works one weekend out of the month.
What do the swiss guard and swiss cheese have in common?
They're both known for their holiness
My boss told me as a security guard my job is to watch the office.
I'm on season six so far, but not sure what it has to do with security.
Why didn't the life guard save the hippy from drowning?
Because he was too far out man.
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.
I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.
What do you call the guards of a Samsung store?
The Guardians of the Galaxy
My wife volunteers as a crossing guard, but gets really mad at me when I tell everyone about it.
I say, “She’s into human trafficking.”
Do you know what they call the security guards at Samsung?
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office
I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.
What do you call a security guard at a samsung store
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