But my publisher told me that word games are not what I excel at.
I forgot the link.
We were leaving a pet shop that had the standard assortment of fish, lizards, birds, and hamsters and my daughter said she wanted a fish. We have two cats and I told her that might be a bad idea. I then added that the big problem with fish is that you can't cuddle a fish like you can with cats. She responded by saying "you can with a cuttlefish."
She probably watches too many nature shows.
I wanna ask a girl to prom this year, and I know she loves my puns, so I wanna pun my way to ask her. I feel this time it's okay to steal some ideas, for this to go well. :) can someone give me a good pun to help drop the question of going to prom together? Thanks so much!!! Wish me luck!!! :) :) :)
I came home today to a dark house, quickly learned that the power had been out for hours. Walked into my roomate's bedroom, they're sitting on the bed.
Me: "So I hear you're feeling a little... powerless."
I swear on all things holy that at that very fucking moment the lights flickered on. We just sat there in disbelief for a moment. My puns are that god damned good. I must use the power well (stealth pun PSA: love the environment).
It's called Punfound, on android and ios. Check it out!
Only driven from time to time.
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
Bit of a let down if I'm honest.
But it ended on a high note.
It was a small price toupee.
Just the other day, he told me I have acute tonsillitis
Also me: I don't think it was that great, and neither do I!
Tod.
They are more organ-ized
It was as big as the last two combined!
Because he has a seal on his chest.
Now he can even look at himself in the mirror.
....and it also shortens your workday.
but dad jokes are by father best
"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"
There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."
His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"
"Okay son, go ahead."
The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."
His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"
The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."
Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.
"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because they're great at pyramid schemes!
I just don't think the kids should be given homework.
We have a dad-abase full of them.
.. really only driven from time to time.
