A man wanted to do something nice for ten of his friends. So he wrote a pun for each one hoping it would cheer them up. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
I was with a friend in the mall, we wandered into one of those stores where they have cute Japan-ized versions of everything. We were looking at some overly cute plush round pillow-esque versions of Spongebob, Dora the Explorer, and Spiderman.
My friend picks up Dora the Explorer and says "Man, she's not supposed to be round, what is this?" I instantly came back with "Come on man, it's a-Dora-ball."
I was so proud I've been telling everyone and I figured you guys would appreciate it.
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
Hoof Hearted
Look it up. I can’t post the link but you’ll love it
To become outstanding in their field.
But then I peaked too early.
Adolph Hitler. He killed Hitler!
To be a little boulder
A Cheeseburger
It’s a superbole.
Just WATCH
Dr. Dre-idel
Fidel Gastro.
He scored a home run every single at bat, and always the exact same way. Way over right field, too high for anyone to reach, and it always landed in exactly the 17th row of the stands, give or take a couple feet.
He earned the nickname “the machine” for how consistently he hit the exact same spot every time. Right field, 17th row, every single time. He did this for 20 years before he retired. Tickets to the 2-3 seats that the ball always landed on sold for over $2k a pop by the time he retired because you were guaranteed at least a couple home run balls.
And the day he retired a reporter asked him “How does it feel to be retiring as the greatest hitter of all time?”
Hugh just looked at the reporter puzzled. “What do you mean?” He said.
The reporter clarified “literally over 5,000 times you went to the plate and hit a home run to right field, 17th row of the stands!”
Hugh looked dejected and disappointed “yeah, my greatest failure...”
“What do you mean?” Said the reporter incredulously.
Hugh let’s out a long sigh, and looked down at the ground quietly for a moment before finally speaking.
“I’ve been aiming left this whole time”
He knows the last digit of Pi.
But my proctor keeps finding holes in it.
Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Plagued with Halitosis.
A sunken chest with no booty.
Anything that they don't want to sit or lay down for
That's my pint of view, anyway.
#Allah-Who-Akbar
And to hell with anyone who doesn’t believe me.
But I think he's built it up too much.
If I’m being objective, it’s Dr. Whom.
It makes Sensei
The barman says 'y, the long face'
It was a best cellar.
They spread like crazy!
Friend: Wow! What kind is it?
Old man: quarter past 2.
Goat cheese
