A friend was grating parmesan cheese over pasta and said the cheese looked like a polygon.

I said, "Well, if you keep grating it, soon it will be all gone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/centstwo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were making nachos, and she told me she was gonna start grating the cheese.

I asked her if penmanship counts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/euratowel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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My wife was grating some cheese then suddenly she pulled her hand away and said 'Ow, I think I cut my finger!'

I turned to her and said 'damn that is some sharp cheddar!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDutchArmy
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Drawn out fights can be so grating
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirRettfordIII
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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Make it grate. Like grating cheese. ha ha
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atoastedbox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Me while grating the cheese this morning.

Me: Ouch!

Mom & Aunt: What?!

Me: That cheddar was sharp!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kneeonball
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
🚨︎ report
I was grating some cheese for my dad

He said, "Thanks, you did a grate job."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nslade
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
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Grate puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FarPrince
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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Grate pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSharkIsBae
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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I'm back. And I have grate puns!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nay2003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
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This pun is a little cheesy but still grate
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetropolisCourier
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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A cheesy pun that’ll grate on your nerves
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CosmicOli
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you ever heard the joke about the cheese grate?

Its grate and all but it's a bit cheesy!

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but I’m holding out for a classier part...

...I will not be deterred!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I resolved to be more grateful this year...

So to start things off right, I'd just like to say... The rotation of the earth really makes my day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Attinaux
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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Someone told me Trumps last order as president is to outlaw shredded cheese.

Hmm guess he wants to make America grate again πŸ€”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
So, if anyone can suggest a city, I'd be grateful.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.

also in the news:

Patients who have died or been admitted to intensive care with Covid-19 have been found to be deficient in a vitamin found in spinach, eggs, and hard and blue cheeses, raising hopes that dietary change might be one part of the answer to combating the disease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you call a grateful crocodile?

An arigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MathenThenseph
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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I'm so grateful to the guys who taught me the word 'Plethora'.

It means a lot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Random_Critic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Want to Hear a Joke About Pizza?

Nevermind, it's to cheesy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1CraftyLass
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
A grate computer.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kai_T4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I hope you are grateful for this post
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sandstormnz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
This is grate
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CantWaitToEat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams...

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"

"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.

"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
One day, as I was walking home, someone threw a block of cheese at my head. I thought-

β€œThat’s not very mature!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quantomcatnip
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
This is grate
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EC097
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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Grate conversation!
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you know you’ve grated enough cheese?

When it turns red.

BONUS CONTENT: I painfully remembered this one while cooking dinner tonight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeButNotMeToo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
We really should be more grateful for sidewalks..

They keep us off the streets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wedge001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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They look really grate.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesr14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I am really grateful to my math teacher in elementary school who taught us how to subtract numbers.

She really encouraged us to make a difference.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
you don’t grate cheese here... you shReddit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If Trump wins in 4 years he will halt all shredded cheese production.

He is going to make Americans grate again . . .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fku208
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I sell appliances - one day the grates for one of our cooktops went missing...

A couple months later I found them hidden somewhere, most likely by some hooligans who had nothing better to do.

Anyways, after I found them I walked up to all my coworkers holding up the grates and said:

"Guys! I have grate news!"

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Grate-rescue indeed good sir v.redd.it/5yhqx1h4lt231
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcleland1992
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Grate, it's broken.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logicson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't know about you guys, but, I think it looks grate.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aloecera
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Who is the most grateful actor in the industry?

T. Hanks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimbobcool3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Jokes about cheese

Aren’t they grate?

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife shredded some cheese to sprinkle on the pasta tonight.

I told her she’s doing grate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/semarlow
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the joke about the cheese grate?

Its grate and all but it's a bit cheesy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the shredded cheese shortage?

It’s time to make America grate again!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LayThatPipe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"

"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.

"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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