Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.
But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."
It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.
You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.
In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.
This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un
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I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”
I will ask people where they like to get a good burger, usual suspects arise and I ask them if they've ever had 5 guys.
They'll respond oh yeah their burgers are great!
I'll respond with when was the last time you did 5 guys?
They'll say oh a couple weeks ago...
I'll say were you sore after?!? Then give it 3 seconds before they get it.
I took my kid sister to In-N-Out for dinner. I asked for my burger with no pickles. I took a bite and said, "I definitely just bit into a pickle."
She looked at me and said, "Dill with it."
We were looking at the menu's ( we were at the handmade burger co a restaurant in the Uk) when he said
Him: oh look there are Cajun burgers they must be for special events
I looked at him kind of confused not realising the horrible punch line coming
Him: you know for special oc-Cajuns
Me and my mother just groaned It really was horrible.
Jessie is a friend,
Yeah, I know he's been a good friend of mine
But lately something's changed
It ain't hard to define
Jessie's got himself a grill and I want to make it mine
And he's grilling chicken thighs,
And he's smokin' racks of ribs, I just know it!
And he's holding pool parties late, late at night...
You know I wish that I had Jessie's grill...
I wish that I had Jessie's grill...
Where can I find a burger like that?So my 5 year old son always asks what I’m watching or playing (video games) and most of the time sits and watches for a while.
I had been binge watching The Office, so of course he would overhear most of the jokes. One day we were over our friends house who has a daughter my sons age. We sit down to eat some burgers and hot dogs, and out of nowhere my son belts out “DON’T DROP THE SOAP!”.
We all died laughing.
He shall be a good dad someday.
My parents are in town for a visit. Keep in mind that I have a 3 year old, so the dad jokes have doubled around here lately.
We go eat and I'm sharing a big burger with my wife. It has a fried egg on it, which I don't like, so I gave her the half with the yolk in it. She bit into it and the yolk broke and dribbled all over her hand. Before I could say anything, my dad mumbles, "Looks like the yolk's on you".
I said, " NOOOOOOOOO you beat me to it!" as my wife and my mom rolled their eyes and groaned. I'm pretty good at the dad jokes, but my dad has the grandfather buff or something.
GF: "Oh! They have really good burgers!"
Me: "Well, they better."
Driving home last night my husband asks the kids "Hey do you guys want Good Times!?"(it's a burger joint), they get super excited and yell "yeah!!" His response, "Aren't these good times we're having?!"
the kids in question are 2 and 4..
It was a sunny afternoon in the city, and a 29 foot Amazonian Anaconda slithered into a hipster burger store. The snake slithered up to the counter and looked over the menu to find that everything was gluten free. The anaconda was disappointed, because he always found that the light fluffy bread on each end of his burger was his favorite part of the burger.
The clerk greeted him with a smile. "Hello! My name is Hyun! Can I take your order?" he said.
The anaconda responded with a sentence so foul I cannot type it here. It contained several swear words and many racial slurs against his server, all because the burgers would be served without buns.
Hyun reeled back in disgust. He requested an apology from the snake. Again, the anaconda belted out horrible curses and vulgarities.
Hyun, being the good Christian man that he is, said that he would call upon his good friend Sister Alice to perform an exorcism on the snake if he didn't leave. The snake finally slithered out upon hearing this.
About an hour later, the anaconda slithered back in with his owner. They approached the counter.
"Now what seems to be the problem here?" Said the anaconda's owner.
"This snake came in swearing up a storm and causing all kind of trouble all because we don't serve gluten in this restaurant" said Hyun.
"I threatened to call my friend Sister Alice to perform an exorcism if he didn't leave."
"Oh" said the anaconda's owner "Sorry about that. My Anaconda don't want nun unless you got buns, Hyun".
Dad: Hey is that burger place "Five Guys" good?
Me: Yeah it's okay but it's pretty damn expensive.
Dad: We should go to "One Guy" than... I bet it'll be cheaper!
We had burgers for dinner, and they were a little overcooked. Just a bit, still delicious, but my dad is always critical of himself. My mom assured him that the burgers were very good and I told him that "yes, they were very well done" to which everyone rolled their eyes while I laughed uncontrollably.
My dad rolled his eyes, but he also smiled proudly.
My boyfriends dad was making burgers on the bbq last night and while exiting the house to go onto the porch his shirt got so stuck on the door handle that we had to cut him free. As we were eating dinner my boyfriend commented "Good burgers", and his dad replies "Sorry if they are a bit dry, I was hung up for a while".
Walked in on my roommate (vegetarian) chopping carrots for dinner. Me: What are the carrots for? RM: Veggie-burger. Me: I thought you said they were only good for soup. RM: Let's not split hairs. Me: Why would you do that? I thought you were a vegetarian.
