Gerald, a young bull elephant was using the bathroom at his girlfriend's Bethany's apartment when he noticed one of those little pregnancy test things, tucked behind the cupboard...

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to form a hockey team with a bunch of old men named Gerald...

and call it the "GerryHatTricks."

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Incrediblyjamon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2014
🚨︎ report
My co-worker, Gerald

Every morning when I come in to work, I ask Gerald the same question: "What's the good word, Gerald?"

Each time, he'll stop whatever he's doing, smile, and come up with some great vocabulary word:

"...Feduciary."

"...Extrapolate."

"...Onomatopoeia."

It never gets old.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Abyss_in_Motion
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the gay Irish couple?

Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustINCREDyble
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
College tour....

It was one of those rare days at college where my friend Gerald and I had gotten out of class and we had nothing to do.

We decided to hop on a college tour just for fun and see what happens. I attempted to ask questions that would help the tour, but Gerald was asking very weird obvious joke questions.

We get to the chapel and Gerald asks β€œyeah, does this chapel have the necessary alter I need to make my many sacrifices?”

And then this dad next to me, living his daddest life, without missing a beat, turns to me and says: β€œThe tuition is the sacrifice, am I right?”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stopwatch9120
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
GODDAMMIT.

So me and my twin sis went with my dad to a family barbecue thing, dad was frying the meat with my 8 uncles. They were taking too long to prepare the meat, so I decided to say that I'm hungry and they are slow.

Every single one of my uncles and my dad proceeded to stare at me and

"HELLO HUNGRY, I'M NOT SLOW, I'M DAD".

πŸ‘︎ 276
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Little-Chocolate
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator that works on Wall St.?

An Invest-i-gator.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dudge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the pachyderm who loved playing sultry jazz?

Went by the name of β€œElephants Gerald”...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Geraldo Rivera

Scene: on skype with my brother and he is showing us old pictures that he had from my old laptop, and he sees an old picture of our dad (who is currently behind me)

Brother: "Hey you look like Geraldo Rivera...er Geraldo Rivera?"

(pronounced like Gerald-o and then Herald-o)

Brother: "How do you say it anyways?"

Dad: "Well, it depends on how you pronounce it."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakesOfMilk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the gay Irish couple that are perfect for each other?

Me: No...

Dad: Yeah they're named Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kegman83
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.