Gerald Puns

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

and call it the "GerryHatTricks."

Every morning when I come in to work, I ask Gerald the same question: "What's the good word, Gerald?"

Each time, he'll stop whatever he's doing, smile, and come up with some great vocabulary word:

"...Feduciary."

"...Extrapolate."

"...Onomatopoeia."

It never gets old.

Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick

So me and my twin sis went with my dad to a family barbecue thing, dad was frying the meat with my 8 uncles. They were taking too long to prepare the meat, so I decided to say that I'm hungry and they are slow.

Every single one of my uncles and my dad proceeded to stare at me and

"HELLO HUNGRY, I'M NOT SLOW, I'M DAD".

It was one of those rare days at college where my friend Gerald and I had gotten out of class and we had nothing to do.

We decided to hop on a college tour just for fun and see what happens. I attempted to ask questions that would help the tour, but Gerald was asking very weird obvious joke questions.

We get to the chapel and Gerald asks “yeah, does this chapel have the necessary alter I need to make my many sacrifices?”

And then this dad next to me, living his daddest life, without missing a beat, turns to me and says: “The tuition is the sacrifice, am I right?”

An Invest-i-gator.

Went by the name of “Elephants Gerald”...

Scene: on skype with my brother and he is showing us old pictures that he had from my old laptop, and he sees an old picture of our dad (who is currently behind me)

Brother: "Hey you look like Geraldo Rivera...er Geraldo Rivera?"

(pronounced like Gerald-o and then Herald-o)

Brother: "How do you say it anyways?"

Dad: "Well, it depends on how you pronounce it."

Me: No...

Dad: Yeah they're named Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.