A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck. He finishes his drink, and asks for the check.
I recently finished fire fighting school
It’s where I got my first degree
Quarantine has allowed me to finish 3 books.
It may not sound like much, but thats a lot of colouring.
I had to finish the last half of my golf match naked.
I was only dressed to the nines.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his cake...
...because he was already stuffed!
A formerly blind man finishes his last round of eye surgery to gain his sight. The doctor asks if he has any last questions.
Patient: no, I think I'll see my self out.
I just finished reading a book on anti gravity.
Just finished watching a film about a serial killer who dresses up in brightly coloured sweaters....
It's called 'Knitwear On Elm Street.'
Once I finally finished installing the thin wood flooring in my large living room, I thought to myself...
Why does Keanu Reeves finishes last?
Because there is no spoon at his table.
My 8 year old finished eating dinner
8yo: "There, I ate!"
Me [points at 9yo]: "Good job! She nine."
8yo: 🤔?
9yo: "Ugh. Because I'm nine and you're eight. You ate. I nine?"
8yo: "Daaaad!"
Why can pirates never finish the alphabet?
Because they always get lost at C.
The great thing about 'reddit' is that it tells you when you've finished reading it
Blending some fruit into a purée and said “cool” as I finished making it.
My wife: don’t you mean... coulis
What did the cloud get for finishing in fourth place?
Why did Times New Roman not finish his essay?
A lawyer finished his closing argument...
He then took out a pillow, put his bag on it, and covered the bag with a baby blanket. "What are you doing?" asked the judge. The lawyer replied, "I rest my case."
Sadly, Aquaman was never able to finish college.
All his grades were below C level.
My wife says I’m terrible at finishing things after I’ve started them.
They say nice guys finish last..
But somehow I always finish before my wife does
What does a worker at the Irish sperm bank say after you are finished?
I finished reading Bon Jovi’s biography and had the wonderful chance to ask him if he actually did the stuff in his biography.
He just shrugged and said it’s my life
I've just finished writing my new book ?
I just finished painting a customer’s home and they were surprised with the bill...
Them: “You’ve factored in all the labour, but what about the paint?”
Me: “It’s on the house”
Last night I finished off the Frosted Flakes, Honeycombs and Cheerios.
My wife is very upset she married a cereal killer.
I never finish anything
I have a blackbelt in partial arts
I'm tired of waiting for my PA to finish my return
It's really taxing my nerves.
Finished season 5 and now I’m sad
I finally finished my training film for army commanding officers after more than 18 attempts.
My roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.
I've just finished writing a book about using stairs...
It's a step by step guide.
My realtor asked me how I felt about the defects in the finish trim in my new home.
When I was a child, I couldn't finish a sentence...
Doctors diagnosed me with Clausetrophobia
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
I once finished runner-up in a Fidel Castro look-a-like contest.
What do you call a belt made out of watches?
Smart dog originally from R/Memes but crossposts aren’t aloud
I just finished Grosse Pointe Blank and now I’m putting on Good Will Hunting.
I've just finished watching a documentary about beavers...
Best dam show I've ever seen.
I heard that the jalapeño finally finished school.
He is now known as Dr. Pepper
Just finished reading a book on Channel swimming.
It was written by Francis Near.
Why did Alexander Hamilton finish last in the decathlon?
He wouldn’t throw away his shot.
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."
(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)
I was looking for the sound track to Mortal Kombat
but all I could find was a bunch of Finnish Hymns.
Just finished watching a documentary on how Kool-Aid was made
"Dad I'm hungry!"
"Hi hungry, I'm-"
son shoots him in the heart before he can finish the awful line
with his dying breath "Hi hungry, I'm dead!"
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck. He finishes his drink, and asks for the check.
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