Why can pirates never finish the alphabet?
Because they always get lost at C.
I heard that the jalapeño finally finished school.
He is now known as Dr. Pepper
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."
(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)
When you finish all the ranch on your salad, you’ve effectively undressed the salad.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
Just finished resding a great book called "Arguement On The Narrow Boat"
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his cake?
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the desert menu.
"Can I ask you something?" I said.
"Certainly," he replied.
I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"
How does every joke start after you've finished doing the dishes?
looks over both shoulders
Imagine how tired Michelangelo was by the time he had finished painting..
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
I was racing with my younger brother on the track, and then he got mad that I didn’t draw a finish line marker on the sand. We kept racing but he kept losing, and at one point he got so mad he threw a tantrum and started hitting and punching and kicking me furiously
.....and that’s when I drew the line.
The waiter approached me as I finished eating and asked, “you wanna box for those leftovers?”
I replied, “No, I hate violence. May I just pay for it with my card?”
Finally finished my huge book on the history of clocks.
What did the chair say after it finished travelling around the world?
Just finished playing billiards with my buddy in the Middle East when I decided to play a prank on him.
“Iraq”, I said. Then Iran.
God finished creating the 24-hour cycle on Earth...
...with both darkness and light taking turns. He admired his hard work with a smile and a sigh. An angel asked him “What’s wrong, Lord?” God replied “I think I’m gonna call it a day.”
Can't even what..? Finish the sentence...!!
I've just finished a really good book entitled 'Acted' - I don't really understand the relevance of the title, but the book is about censorship. Anyway, I think everyone should
What did the Australian chess player say after he finished his meal?
"Can I have the check, mate?"
With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.
He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."
Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."
At the restaurant, my family was nearly finished eating and I still had half a plate of food left. The waitress asked, "Do you wanna box for that?"
I replied, "No thanks, I'd rather wrestle for it!"
I just finished the book, "How to Become Homeless"...
I ordered an egg dish at a restaurant. When I finished, I asked the waiter for another one and he said...
"No, sir, that's un oeuf."
What did the artist say after finishing his huge picture sculptured of stone?
Just finished a book about the greatest basement to ever exist
I just finished reading a book on the history of metal fasteners.
I have to say it was absolutely riveting.
Proud dad moment: After 5 months, I finally finished the jigsaw puzzle I was working on!
I taught my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
Man, wait till you hear what my finishing move was at the Battleship competition!
My dog initially barked when the people installing my shingles started then barked again as they finished...
Re-roofing complete.
*Edit: reworded punchline. I think it might be better said "replacing my shingles" but I cannot for the life of me edit that part...
*ahem* without hacking.
Which classical music genius was also the first cooking show chef where he presented the finished dish to the camera?
Did you hear about the guy who doesn’t finish sentences?
What about the star?
My husband and I finally finished decorating the Christmas tree tonight. There’s always a star and we forgot to grab the box from the basement. I said to my husband, “What about the star?” Without skipping a beat, he says, “It’s 2020. Zero stars.”
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Just finished reading "All Quiet On The Western Front"
That book is really remarqueable.
Did you hear that they finally finished the movie about the wristwatch?
Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?
Because they get lost at "c"
Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?
Because they got lost at C!
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his birthday cake?
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.
I said, "Why did you just eat my food ?"
Why didn't the teddy bear finish his dinner ?
What did the Australian grandmaster say when he finished his meal?
I am teaching my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
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