My 8 year old finished eating dinner
8yo: "There, I ate!"
Me [points at 9yo]: "Good job! She nine."
8yo: 🤔?
9yo: "Ugh. Because I'm nine and you're eight. You ate. I nine?"
8yo: "Daaaad!"
Why can pirates never finish the alphabet?
Because they always get lost at C.
I never finish anything
I have a blackbelt in partial arts
My realtor asked me how I felt about the defects in the finish trim in my new home.
My roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.
I've just finished writing a book about using stairs...
It's a step by step guide.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
I once finished runner-up in a Fidel Castro look-a-like contest.
Smart dog originally from R/Memes but crossposts aren’t aloud
I've just finished watching a documentary about beavers...
Best dam show I've ever seen.
I just finished Grosse Pointe Blank and now I’m putting on Good Will Hunting.
Why did Alexander Hamilton finish last in the decathlon?
He wouldn’t throw away his shot.
I heard that the jalapeño finally finished school.
He is now known as Dr. Pepper
Just finished reading a book on Channel swimming.
It was written by Francis Near.
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."
(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)
I just finished making a short film in Russia about Vin Diesel’s body double.
It’s considered a Vin nyet.
Just finished watching a documentary on how Kool-Aid was made
When you finish all the ranch on your salad, you’ve effectively undressed the salad.
Why princess ariel didn't finish high school?
Because her grades were always under the C.
I decided to read my dictionary in bed last night, but I didn't finish it.
Waitress: "Are you finished sir?"
Dad: "No, I'm actually Norwegian. So close though, you're pretty good at that!"
What do rappers say when they finish recording?
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
my five year old just told me that he wasn't finished his yawn...
... i told him his yawn was expired.
(sadly, he didn't get it)
This morning I turned up for a meeting for my premature ejaculators support group...
A piece I just finished working on, hope you all like it :)
My wife just finished her 40 week body building program.
She lost 8 pounds and 1 oz, and gained a new family member!
I'm officially a father and step father! Woohoo!
Just finished resding a great book called "Arguement On The Narrow Boat"
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his cake?
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the desert menu.
"Can I ask you something?" I said.
"Certainly," he replied.
I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"
My wife ran over someone , and was sentenced to 10 years imprisonment.
She got out after 5 years and I had to serve the remaining 5.
We always finish each others sentences.
Just finished making my first bookcase
I’m very proud of myshelf
After many years of procrastination I have finally finished my book on common herbs...
When you finish eating at an Australian Restaurant
I’m drawing a picture of a zoo animal, but I’m not finished yet.
It’s just a rough giraffe.
Just wanted to share my success! I finished this puzzle I’ve been working on this morning..
It said 2-4 years, but I completed it in 3 months!
Knot finished with this format yet
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
One bird can't finish an entire bowl of Froot Loops
Every time I finish my jog, I like to eat a protein bar. Lately, though, I'm having trouble swallowing it
I hope it doesn't become a running gag
Finally finished my book about clocks and what we use them for
How does every joke start after you've finished doing the dishes?
looks over both shoulders
Imagine how tired Michelangelo was by the time he had finished painting..
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?
Because they get lost at "c"
Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?
Because they got lost at C!
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
