As a globe restorer, I never turn down projects where I have to fill in missing countries or islands. But missing equators?

That’s when I draw the line.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CorbanzoBean69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Mom complained when I asked for a few dollars in quarters to fill up my car’s tires.

Dad looked at me, shrugged and said β€œInflation.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jjlet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to fill in several post holes yesterday.

I didn’t want them to make offense.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The decision for a liquid to fill the shape of whatever container they are in is...

InVOLUMEtary

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Minzato
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you dig a hole in the ground and fill it with denim?

A jean pool

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Payasin70
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says β€œregular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks β€œfill?” my dad replies

β€œNo, Fred, nice to meet you”

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDreidel82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
As the title suggests, this is how to successfully catch an elephant: First, you need to dig a hole in the ground that is capable of holding an elephant. Fill the hole with ashes. Line the hole with peas.

And when your elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
I made this thinking It'd get me farther in life... but then I realized I had nothing to fill it with
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jduncan017
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2016
🚨︎ report
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 385
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
You see a boat filled with people, but when you look closer you don't find a single person in it. Why?

Because everyone is married.

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dangerouslyawful
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
my friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?

They're both in bread.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Highway-Amazing
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What do a Unicorn and an ocean filled with orange soda have in common?

They are both a Fanta Sea

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/heybuddy313
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother dug a hole in the ground, filled it with water then designed a moving staircase that was powered by it.

That well escalated quickly!

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
If β€˜2020’ was a movie and in two years there was gonna be another year filled with disaster, what would the sequel be titled?

β€˜2022’.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/singh_j
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How to catch an elephant

First.... You dig a big pit.

Like, a tiger pit, but big enough for an elephant.

Then, you fill it with leaves and debris and whatever...

Light the leaves on fire and let it burn all the way down to ash.

Next, open a can of peas (or fresh peas if you have them)...

Place the peas all along the outside of the pit, creating a ring around the whole thing...

That way, when the elephant goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boogie_feitzu
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Guys, I had a really exhausting day yesterday, filling in forms and calculating the surplus of money I had to pay to the country.

It was a taxing day.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NaziWookie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Spice Puns

I'm looking to make puns for all my spice jars. Can you help fill in some of the blanks, or have any better suggestions for the ones I've already chosen?

https://preview.redd.it/zkfdnp3tas071.png?width=468&format=png&auto=webp&s=b99b69e8e6b308a8982ac99b967043c08b7cca52

https://preview.redd.it/ibq7m8opas071.png?width=468&format=png&auto=webp&s=7216c8349e46144c13a069c4f3bed59c078d39aa

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_danicat
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do balloons filled with helium cost more than balloons sold in packages?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I was with my son in the sandbox and he said, β€œtake this shovel and start filling up this bucket, got it?”

I dig.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a woman once that was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She started waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead...

She was waving an illegal fire arm.

πŸ‘︎ 578
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kaidendeck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A brand new type of tea!

There's a new type of tea that changes colour, plays 8-bit tunes and even makes the whole room you're in fill the air with its contents.

It's called hue-midi-tea.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshifi3d
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A king sat on his throne in his beautiful kingdom. Before him were three glasses set on a table. The first two are filled with water, but the third one is empty. What is the name of the king?

Phillip the 3rd

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/some-tortel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the one about the three holes in the ground filled with water? No?

Well well well

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
So I go to cook dinner one night...

And the pan I need to be able to cook is dirty. The sink was filled with dishes. The dishwasher needed emptied. I emptied the dishwasher and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher to make enough space to hand wash the pan. It was a cascade situation.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VioletDreaming19
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Great joke, albeit a bit long winded.

There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."

His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"

"Okay son, go ahead."

The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."

His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"

The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."

Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.

"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phrresehelp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My best friend keeps telling me to β€œcheer up man. It could be a lot worse, you could be stuck in an underground hole filled with water”

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boonsnaba
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife has started keeping a dry-erase board labeled 'Grocery List' on the fridge, so I filled it in while she was gone this morning.
  • Kroger

  • Wal-Mart

  • Lucky's

  • Whole Foods

  • Winn Dixie

etc, etc

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chambadon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently started a new job in a cafe where I have to prepare all the fillings for cheese toasties.

It’s grate

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a car show in a huge warehouse and everyone was just touching all the cars filling the huge room...

It was wall-to-wall car petting.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
'Right Place, Wrong Tim' - starring Asa Butterfield, in a pun filled, horror comedy set in a 90s clock shop youtube.com/watch?v=f-jsf…
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mc_jakie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
A man is walking in the woods. He sees three holes filled with water and something he couldn't identify. All could say was

Well, well, well, what do we have here?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My family didn't have the appetite for my dessert puns. Please to enjoy!

Did you hear about the red-headed cookie that broke it’s leg?

Gingersnap


Did you hear about the cookie that quietly laughs at other cookies’ drawings?

Snickerdoodle


Did you hear about the dessert that got cast in the bakery’s reboot of Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom?

Shortbread


Did you hear about the friends the zombies are making in heaven?

Angel food


Did you hear about the Mushroom Kingdom princess that abdicated the throne to pursue the shoe repair trade?

Peach cobbler


Did you hear about the 49th state in the Union legalizing recreational marijuana?

Baked Alaska


Did you hear about the Bavarian teacher that filled up her blackboard every day?

German chocolate


Did you hear about the hip New York hotspots for citrus fruits?

Lemon bars


Did you hear about the mother's sister that really likes her nieces and nephews?

Fondant


Did you hear about people wagering money on a boxing match in the Arctic between a heavyweight champ and raspberries?

Sherbet

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fyrefrog25
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Today I found six toes in my sandwich filling

must be because it's in bread.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsnathanhere
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
A man filling his car with gas, got some gas on his arm. He got in his car and lit a cigarette lighting his arm on fire. He flails around and other patrons help him put it out, just then 2 cops roll up...

They arrest him for waving a fire arm.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormtrooper-85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Y’all need better puns

I come to this subreddit everyday to get my fill of home baked dad jokes and some of these jokes are slackin. Let alone that most of them are puns!

I’ve already read ten puns today hoping that at least one of them would make me laugh but no pun in ten did!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pozd5995
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My 8yr old daughter got me with "I can breathe under water"

She filled a cup of water placed it on her head and began to violently and rapidly breathe in and out. The force is strong with her.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theevildave
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Having been raised without a dad, I never realized there was a void in my life until you all filled it. Thank you! In appreciation, I present the only dad joke I've experienced firsthand.

Friends and I are playing Mario Kart 64. Friends' dad comes in.
"Who wants icecream??"
All of us "Me me I do!"
"What flavors do you want?"
"Cookie dough!"
"Rock Road!"
"Strawberry!"
"Ok, I was just wondering."

πŸ‘︎ 311
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2014
🚨︎ report
There's an apartment building in my neighborhood that is filled with guys who think they're Jesus.

It's a messiah complex.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elvisnake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
🚨︎ report
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How to catch an elephant

Dig a big hole, Fill it with ashes, Sprinkle peas on top, When the elephant goes to take a pea, Kick it in the ash hole.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Advaldinho
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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