Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
I figured out the secret chord that David played!
I miss my deceased father and his dadjokes, so I figured I’d text him.
My wife has been cold to me lately, so I figured a hobby might make her more receptive to my advances. I figured why not stamp collecting? Well, I learned an important lesson...
Philately will get you nowhere
I entered 10 puns in a joke contest. I figured one of them would win...
I figured out why Teslas are so expensive.
It’s because they charge a lot.
Tae Kwon Donkey (The Ass that kicks back) And Crab Maga (The Krav Maga crab that doesn’t just talk crab, he backs it up). Figured this community of punsters would appreciate the universe we are creating on Patreon.
reddit.com/gallery/lgzbtq
With no buses, trains, or taxis in sight, and my wife going into labor, I figured the only solution was a piggyback.
But she refused to give me one.
I just figured out I was colourblind
It came out of the yellow!
The rocket scientists finally figured out what when wrong with their missile launch ...
Turns out it was a case of projectile dysfunction.
I figured out why I am so shy and awkward
A main part of my body is called the nervous system
I tried to remarry my ex-wife, but She figured out that I was only..
I finally figured out what I'm going to name my dad band...
Saw (goodnight everybody!)
I figured out Forrest Gump’s password!
Remember Spider Pig from the Simpsons movie? I figured out his secret identity!
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
I figured out how to get over someone
Now i know this usually isnt the subreddit to post this, but I met this dude here and i don’t know how else to reach him. We talked for a small bit and he told me he wanted to kill himself over a girl that left him, so if you’re reading this please know that if you still need to get over her: use a ladder
When I dropped my top-of-the-line Microsoft laptop on the asphalt, I figured it was ruined
Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.
Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
What do you call a wolf that has things figured out
I have figured out why none of my friends like my cheesy jokes and puns.
They are laughtose intolerant.
Just figured I’d announce that I’ll be doing a theatrical performance on puns later this week.
Finally figured out what to get my daughter for Christmas.
A severed foot. It’s the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Figured this was the ideal moment to repost this ol’ pun. Happy Father’s Day.
Arrgh, I finally figured out why I haven't been successful in my pirate career, it's all because of my spine...
...it's always been holding me back.
Had a really tough day today. I figured you would appreciate that my wife suggested I peruse r/dad jokes while she drew me a relaxing bath.
I asked her if it was going to be full color or just a sketch.
I finally figured out why almost no one in my family finds my cheesy jokes and puns good.
They are all laughtose intolerant.
My wife forgot the code to her luggage, but I figured it out.
You can say... I solved the case.
I figured out the best way to cut carbs!
Figured this belonged here (real life dad joke)
My Aunt immigrated to the UK years ago and works as a teacher. I was talking about the difficulties of teaching my son Sight Words.
Aunt: That's interesting, I have never heard them called that before.
My Dad: Because over there they call them "Soit Wordz Bruv"
I finally figured out why David Hasselhoff changed his name to The Hoff.
I wanted to buy a $30 meal for my father, my grandfather and father-in-law. I figured they'd lump em all together and charge a reduced fee...
But no. I was charged $30 a pop.
I just figured out why I enjoy visiting the mint.
To me, it just makes cents.
Just figured out the perfect name for my Pickleball league.
Baller Baller Dills, Y’all
Edit: I’m so sorry, I thought of this and needed it to exist somewhere outside my mind but I don’t actually play pickleball
Just figured out what people mean when they say “I... just... can’t”
The proper ending is “finish this sentence”
I finally figured out how they make holy water...
They boil the hell outta it.
I finally figured out infinity
How can we be expected to manage universal healthcare when we obviously haven't even figured out
I figured out the secret to writing great Christian music.
I figured out why teslas cost so much.
It’s because they charge a lot.
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
I Figured out the secret chord that David played!
What do you call a wolf that has stuff figured out
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
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