I explained, "You see son, mountains aren't just funny…"
Yoda didn’t know what time it was. He explained...
My three year old girl asked me, "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but decided to give her an honest explanation, so I explained, "You just ate breakfast, yes?"
"Yes." she replied.
"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, then whatever is left over, comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet! And that, is poo!"
She looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"
My wife, Ming, told me, "You would look more professional without that funny bow tie." I have to wear it though. I explained to her, "My jokes aren't funny without...
My son looked at me with a silly grin and asked, "What do you and an antique door have in common?" I shrugged and replied, "I haven't a clue, what?" He explained...
"You're both worth more than you used to be, even though you're unhinged and your knobs don't work!"
I'll never forget when my dad told me, "Find yourself a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you!” A little taken aback, I asked him what he meant. He explained...
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"
I explained to my wife, "Darling, it doesn't matter if your cup is half full or half empty, my point is..."
"You need to buy a different size bra!"
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.
To which I said, “That doesn’t make cents.”
My dad was so cool and collected when he explained the tanker rupture to the president...
It was a slick performance.
A "common" math lesson explained (xpost from r/wooosh)
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
Last night, I explained to my son what the word “bargain” means.
I think it meant a great deal to him.
Found this on 4chan (one of the rules said it has to be explained, instead of goat should be got)
I thought my Indian chef friend added butter to his recipes, but he explained it was actually ghee.
I said, “Thanks for clarifying.”
What did the man exclaim after the change machine explained its purpose?
Curby (road curb. Should have explained its self)
As I was walking down the street, an old man came up to me and explained all the benefits of dining on meals with mint derived from sub-shrub herbs...
I thanked him for the sage advice but went on about my business.
Yesterday, my son explained to me in very simple terms that I am an adult but he isn't...
When my father explained the meaning of the word "many" to me, I thanked him profusely...
What did the man say after an engineer explained how change machines work?
My boss came into the office and poured us all shots to celebrate the birth of his daughter. I asked why the liquor had little bits of gold floating around in it, and he explained it was Goldschläger
I explained to my son that whatever he tried to get away with, his mommy would know...
My best friend came up to me and explained that his letter a always looks like a u
I replied “Sounds like a u problem”
To the guy who explained me the meaning of the word "many"
Thank you very much. That really means a lot!
My old man explained map symbols for a living.
My girlfriend was getting bored of normal sex so she sat me down and explained exactly what she wanted.
She was really anal about it.
My friend the eye doctor explained this to me. Ophthalmologists are doctors who specialize in eyes. Optometrists examine your eyes to see whether you need corrective lenses. Opticians sell glasses and lenses.
and optimists see glasses as half full.
I didn't understand butter until someone explained it to me ...
... now it's clarified.
I watched a documentary that explained how ships are held together
Old man at Subway explained to me why mermaids wear sea shells on their chest
I was in line at Subway and this older man was in front of me. He looked back and said, "Do you know why mermaids wear sea shells on their chests? Because "B" shells are too small and "D" shells are too big."
I gave him a chuckle and a "That's a good one".
Temperature rising can be explained very easily
"climate" goes up, "abseilmate" goes down.
Got my wife as she explained something to our toddler.
My wife couldn't open a jar of grape jelly. Our two year old didn't understand why she had to bring it to me. He was only concerned with how long it was taking to make his sandwich. I opened it, but it was pretty hard because the jelly had caked around the threads and dried in place, gluing the lid to the jar.
My wife saw our son getting impatient and told him, "Hold on kiddo, mommy couldn't open the jar, so she had to bring it to daddy. Even daddy had a hard time opening it."
At this point, my internal dad joke radar started screaming a proximity warning. The collision with a dad joke was imminent. I smiled, took half a second to bask in my dad glory, and added, "Yeah, it was jammed."
Wife groaned, but son laughed (because he saw the lid was finally open). I take whatever I can get.
I suddenly forgot what a piece of clothing was. I explained it to my son: "It's a long piece of thin fabric, it goes around your neck, usually worn with a shirt?"
Why can't desalinization be explained mathematically?
When the water evaporates, there is no longer any solution.
My daughter asked why I shaved off my beard. "Mama does like it," I said then explained, "It rubbed her the wrong way."
As i was getting in the car i explained to Dad i couldn't call him as my phone died..
he replied "whens the funeral?"
Explained the cause of the FL sinkholes to my wife this morn.
Her - You know why all these houses are falling into the ground right?
Me - of course! They're built on "Holy" ground.
groan....
[META] Dad jokes explained by Dad
You may have seen this, but if not, /u/skeptickal explains dad jokes perfectly: http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/25x850/the_new_father/chlq6ko
I explained, "You see son, mountains aren't just funny…"
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
Yesterday, my son explained to me in very simple turns that I am an adult but he isn't...
My dad finally explained the word "many" to me
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