Then I go buy Hershey's.
(I told my dad this joke and he loved it so I figured if it made a dad laugh it could count as a dad joke)
The Rolling Stones.
He's never gonna give you UP
Parlez-vous francais? That's Greek to me!!!!
That has always been my Achilles' elbow.
I call it onlyfans.
Police hate crime.
(Yes, I stole the joke. Call the police. )
“I bet it’s Angela!”
Then I'd be beside myself.
...the penfish, which is thought to be mightier.
Old Mcdonald had a farm.
It’s an ancient rule with many inconsistencies.
Unfortunately this sheep has sailed.
When I asked her why, she said, "Well, because they're always spotted."
I really lost CTRL
*Edit: had a typo. TY for pointing it out u/LandofGreyandPink
I told her, “thank you that means a lot”
That’s a little weird
Because they are always INTERESTING!
Which is Antartica
They're by my ghostwriter.
It's called a "Xere-ox."
He gets happy when Sun goes down.
You could say they C#
…they really bug me 🐜
They only have eyes for Yule
I went up to the manager and asked why did he still have those and he replied “oh.. those are hard-to-sell-sir”
Totaled my car on the way to junior prom. No injuries except a broken pinky toe that got caught on the brake pedal.
Obviously I’m upset when my dad arrives to the scene. He asks if I’m okay and I say yes except my toe.
He seizes the opportunity and says, “Do I need to call a TOE TRUCK?”
Thanks dad(s) for always keeping the mood light. Happy Father’s Day!
Onion rings.
Then I went to sceince class
Except at a funeral
They're still waiting for Gadot.
Because heavy metals are toxic.
(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)
I shouted “I know the whole alphabet!” Everyone laughed… except this one guy.
Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.
So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and tough he was, and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up fights and didn't skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he (Fred) was doing a fine job, but he should remember one thing:
"If you ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town, just save what you can, put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of town as fast as you can."
Fred was pretty perplexed at this, and sought explanation. He was told that Mad Martin was an old mountain man who lived up in the hills and only came to town once or twice a year. However, Martin was the most dangerous guy they'd ever heard of and few had ever encountered him and lived to tell the tale.
Fred listened carefully and then promptly forgot all about it. Until, one day a few months later, a cowboy came riding through town at full speed, yelling, "Martin's coming! Head for the hills!" The result was incredible. Everybody in town immediately jumped on their horses and took off for the hills. Except Fred. He wanted to see this guy because he didn't believe he could be all that tough. So, Fred just put the bottle of Red Eye on the bar, hid behind the counter, and waited.
He didn't wait long. Soon there was a noise in the street. As Fred looked out a hole in the wall, he saw this huge, mean-looking guy ride down the center of the street on the biggest bull buffalo that Fred had ever seen. The guy stopped the buffalo in front of the bar, jumped off the beast, punched it in the head (dropping the critter to its knees) and bellowed, "Wait here til I get back!"
The fellow turned and walked up the steps. Fred saw that the guy had a pair of huge mountain lions on leashes. He tied them both to a post and kicked them soundly, hollering, "You pussycats stay here til I'm done!" The cats fearfully sat down.
Into the bar stormed the fellow, ripping the doors off the wall as he passed. With two strides he approached the bar, picked up the bottle of Red Eye, bit off the neck, and downed it all in one gulp. Poor Fred, thoroughly frightened by now, let out a little whimper. The guy klooked down over the bar and roared, "What the hell do you think you're looking at!?"
Fred managed to say, "N..n..n..nothing, mister. Do you want another
... keep reading on reddit ➡What the hellman! It's a miracle i didn't whip him!
Through science.
The next morning, all the staff were gathered for interviews. Except the riveter. He had already bolted.
Kappa Mu
Today my daughter (7) found a random plastic eyeball that fell off a toy in our yard. She carried it around with her all morning while she was playing different games. When it was time to clean up I noticed she was putting away all her toys except the eyeball.
I asked her: “Are you putting the eyeball away too or are you leaving it out?”
She replied: “leaving it out”
So I said: “Oh, so you can see what you’re doing?”
The stare… then huge eye roll. Then back to cleaning up.
I helped her finish putting away her toys and she came up behind me and pushed something against my back. I turned around and it was the eyeball.
She said: “Daddy, I’m keeping my eye on you!”
Proud moment. I hope she never gets tired of the dad humor!
I've only got a Por-tu-gal!
He’s never gonna give you Up!
Except the Penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.
He's never gonna give you "Up"
