An excellent pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/queenettt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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Great list of excellent puns

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crΓͺpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop

any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd

never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians in America first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she

couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A theasaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The

police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

My friend sent me these puns idk source just thought you would enjoy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benschweiz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
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Dad came out with this excellent pun

We were shopping and as we passed through the vegetable aisle he picks up a pack of peppers and starts talking about them. Then this happened:

Dad: do you know how many types of pepper there are?

Me (feeling the dad joke coming on): no dad, how many types of pepper are there?

Dad: well you have green peppers, red peppers, yellow peppers and news peppers.

Actually made me chuckle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SurelyNotShirley
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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I had a workplace win with an excellent pun, and I'm still smiling about it.

[Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to share this with you]

Ok, so technically this was before I knew I was a dad at the time, and it happened a long time ago, so I'm paraphrasing it a bit (have to leave out some details. It's work related lol), but I'm really proud of it.

I was having this workplace dispute with this really snively guy who was being a bit of a prick about some work assignment he was really proud of. Long story short, he was worried about someone else taking credit for something and wanted me to talk to our boss about it for him (What does he think I am lol). Anyway, as I'm walking away I hear him coughing. So I turn around, and with this great big smile on my face, I'm like:

"Don't choke on your aspirations, mate."

Anyway, I thought it was a great line. I was smiling all the way back to my office. I don't know why it came to my mind at that moment, but it wasn't long before I'd meet my kids for the first time in years, and it was really great to reconnect with them.

Anyway, my kids are pretty popular (my son's a school teacher, so I don't want to embarrass him in front of the kids), and my daughter would be mortified to hear a dadjoke this terrible great so I'd appreciate if you didn't mention any details about me in the comments (might spoil their evening lol) it was just a nice little moment.

Anyway, just wanted to share the moment with you guys.

D. [To the mods, I know this is a kind of just a pun, but I thought it was worth posting here. I hope you guys understand.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CloakedCorgi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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The author of my history book is a dad for sure

One of the several excellent puns I have come across: "And then Mary made her only serious- her fatal- error: she died"

Needless to say, my concentration was shot for a few more paragraphs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/austintexan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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"Gloria in Excel sheets Deo"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nakikibaka
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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The geometry major proved to be an excellent gardener...

...due to his extensive knowledge of tree angles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SegavsCapcom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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I’m excellent at wrapping presents...

It’s a gift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChuckySPWN
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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Me: Someone told me that there’s a fruit that’s an excellent source of potassium.

Her: That’s bananas.

Me: Yeah, I was shocked too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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I can’t do good work in Excel without getting compliments,

I really need the validation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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Get it ?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FUNAVILENT
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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Why do snipers double as excellent actors?

They’re great at range

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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An excellent opportunity
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πŸ‘€︎ u/note_than62
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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You know, when you start Excel...

You know, when you start Excel, thats really when people start to spreadsheet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_realkernel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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This is the... wait, what?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seti_alphan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Excellent work, ought to be celebrated
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zuuuuzuuuu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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If you want some historical examples of excellent kissers, look at Bonnie and Clyde.

They made out like bandits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no.

I don’t want him to spreadsheet about me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Why is Excel the most hated of all Microsoft applications?

All it does is spreadsheet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sothg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Why did Ben-Hur (1959) "excel" as a film?

Because of all the columns and rows!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mehatch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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They really excel at stealig it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BluryDesign
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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What do Microsoft Excel users put in their hair?

SUMPRODUCT()

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J3ST3RR
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Did I tell you that I excel between the sheets?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Overlordbb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Pun about computer

I am learning how to Excel in spreadsheets in my computer science class

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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What does an incel have in common with Excel?

Incorrectly assuming something is a date

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daedalususedperl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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To the person who stole my Microsoft Office key.

Im gonna find you. You have my word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ayewussupahaha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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What do you call someone with excellent hearing?

A super hearo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roy2roy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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Gloria in Excel sheets Deo
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnny2_yespapa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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He is an excellent web designer v.redd.it/pym796lltby31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itaielidan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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I hired some excellent roofers.

They were really on top of things.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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What do you call a Navy Seal with a prolapsed rectum?

bad ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannypWooley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Excellent customer service.

I bought a T-Shirt the other day but it kept giving me static electric shocks every time I tried to wear it.

I took it back to the store and they kindly replaced it with another one free of charge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PringyUK
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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He Excels at PowerPoint.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/el_pintado_81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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An excellent sea captain is...

... admirable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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... in Excel sheet Deo!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatostomach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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Excellent craftsmanship
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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My brother-in-law taught his offspring a seasoning that is an excellent addition to omelets and egg strata...

It was good father-son-thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Have you heard about the TV repairman's marriage?

The reception was excellent

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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I don’t like using Excel at my office

It invites people to spread sheet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brainpain152
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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When you start to Excel,

People start to spreadsheet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word"

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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- Excel is hands down the best software in Microsoft Office

- Word

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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When you excel people start to spreadsheet.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepissvortex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no.

I don’t want him to spreadsheet about me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report

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