I like to torture my friend's with excellent puns. These are the responses I *live* for. reddit.com/gallery/ms1o2z
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erasmusings
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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An excellent pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/queenettt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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Great list of excellent puns

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crΓͺpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop

any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd

never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians in America first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she

couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A theasaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The

police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

My friend sent me these puns idk source just thought you would enjoy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benschweiz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
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Dad came out with this excellent pun

We were shopping and as we passed through the vegetable aisle he picks up a pack of peppers and starts talking about them. Then this happened:

Dad: do you know how many types of pepper there are?

Me (feeling the dad joke coming on): no dad, how many types of pepper are there?

Dad: well you have green peppers, red peppers, yellow peppers and news peppers.

Actually made me chuckle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SurelyNotShirley
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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I had a workplace win with an excellent pun, and I'm still smiling about it.

[Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to share this with you]

Ok, so technically this was before I knew I was a dad at the time, and it happened a long time ago, so I'm paraphrasing it a bit (have to leave out some details. It's work related lol), but I'm really proud of it.

I was having this workplace dispute with this really snively guy who was being a bit of a prick about some work assignment he was really proud of. Long story short, he was worried about someone else taking credit for something and wanted me to talk to our boss about it for him (What does he think I am lol). Anyway, as I'm walking away I hear him coughing. So I turn around, and with this great big smile on my face, I'm like:

"Don't choke on your aspirations, mate."

Anyway, I thought it was a great line. I was smiling all the way back to my office. I don't know why it came to my mind at that moment, but it wasn't long before I'd meet my kids for the first time in years, and it was really great to reconnect with them.

Anyway, my kids are pretty popular (my son's a school teacher, so I don't want to embarrass him in front of the kids), and my daughter would be mortified to hear a dadjoke this terrible great so I'd appreciate if you didn't mention any details about me in the comments (might spoil their evening lol) it was just a nice little moment.

Anyway, just wanted to share the moment with you guys.

D. [To the mods, I know this is a kind of just a pun, but I thought it was worth posting here. I hope you guys understand.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CloakedCorgi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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The geometry major proved to be an excellent gardener...

...due to his extensive knowledge of tree angles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SegavsCapcom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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I’m excellent at wrapping presents...

It’s a gift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChuckySPWN
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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Me: Someone told me that there’s a fruit that’s an excellent source of potassium.

Her: That’s bananas.

Me: Yeah, I was shocked too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Why do snipers double as excellent actors?

They’re great at range

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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An excellent opportunity
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πŸ‘€︎ u/note_than62
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Excellent work, ought to be celebrated
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zuuuuzuuuu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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If you want some historical examples of excellent kissers, look at Bonnie and Clyde.

They made out like bandits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What do you call someone with excellent hearing?

A super hearo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roy2roy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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He is an excellent web designer v.redd.it/pym796lltby31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itaielidan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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I hired some excellent roofers.

They were really on top of things.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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How rare is an excellent father?

Legen-daddy

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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Excellent customer service.

I bought a T-Shirt the other day but it kept giving me static electric shocks every time I tried to wear it.

I took it back to the store and they kindly replaced it with another one free of charge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PringyUK
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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An excellent sea captain is...

... admirable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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Excellent craftsmanship
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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My brother-in-law taught his offspring a seasoning that is an excellent addition to omelets and egg strata...

It was good father-son-thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Excellent foreshadowing
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imj23
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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[At an Indian restaurant] Dad: β€œThese triangular pastries with spicy filling are excellent!”

Waiter: Samosa?

Dad: No thanks. I’m already full.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn?

A metro-gnome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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Excellent cow puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JIM45954
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.

The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'SΓ­.' 'Ja.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AgamGamez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling some really excellent jokes. I turned to the local tribesman and said "that lizard is really funny!" The tribesman replied "that's not a lizard... he's a stand up chameleon"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnster1991
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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What do you call a Jamaican with excellent vision?

Rasta far eye.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Nugs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Gonorrhea would have been an excellent name for diarrhea medicine.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathlydrac
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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The Swiss currency is, francly, excellent
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lorcan_g
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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These are excellent cows. You can tell because they are out standing in their field. i.reddituploads.com/5d487…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amberandemerald
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
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Despite my excellent instructions, my student keeps sinking instead of swimming.

He must be too dense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Turtles live for so long because they have an excellent shellf life.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerZA
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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Two Greek people had a poetry contest. One of them wrote an excellent poem conveying deep emotions. The other person's poem is just one-character long. In the end, the short poem won

because it is just beta.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/louisng114
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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I, a feudal lord, have a piper so excellent his rivals drop their instruments in terror

He's my fief's fife foe fumbler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jabonko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2016
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Oil paints are an excellent fuel,

they make my van Gogh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jorg2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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Mr. Van Gogh, the good news is that you are in excellent health.

Bad News: You have one ear to live.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2018
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Excellent dad joke

Girlfriend: "I'm emailing you the excel file." Me: "Excellent."

She doesn't want kids, but little does she know I'm already a dad at heart ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keith2154
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2015
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Nailed my brother with an excellent wood working pun on Sunday night.

He was over for dinner, asking me about making a simple wooden box. Once he's finished describing what he wants to do and how he thinks he'll do it I reply with "Yeah, that wood work".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BountyHNZ
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2015
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The Chicken Dominator pizza that Domino's sells in my country is an excellent nickname to give to an S&M dungeon master.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrunicornman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
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My ceramics teacher was excellent.

Day after day, she was always kiln it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/K3R3G3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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Why is the Doctor an excellent chef?

He's a Thyme Lord

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jarescot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2015
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What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn?

A metro-gnome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn?

A metro-gnome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn?

A metro-gnome

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn?

A metro-gnome

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn?

A metro-gnome

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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