a#m
It was a match made in heaven.
This happened today.
I'm at park/playground with my kid. He's playing, I'm throwing a ball for my dog.
Three little girls, maybe around 10 years old, run up. "Can we pet your dog?"
Me, "Sure, would you like to throw the ball for her?"
One of the girls takes the thrower and chucks the ball. It goes a long way.
Me: "Wow, great throw!"
Girl: "I've got my dad's arms."
Me (already laughing on the inside): "Really? What does he use?"
They stare at me.
Sigh.
It's about time.
To my surprise he shrugged and said sure.
On Christmas Day, I excitedly tore open my gift box. To my anger and disappointment, it only contained 10 plastic toy pigs and deers.
βDaaaaaddd!!!!β I wailed in tears.
Dad gave me the biggest shit-eating grin and said βWell, I got you ten sows and bucks just like you asked.β
Just a bit of light humor there.
"How are you feeling?"
"I feel like an old shoe"
"What does THAT mean?"
"I don't smell good!"
So my brother is a policeman and last night got a call about a stolen washing machine...
So he goes to it, ridiculous argument insues between the two parties then a slight wrestling match from my brother and the accuser and he gets nicked. So then my mum asks him
"What about the washing machine? Did the other man steal it?"
my dad replies instantly:
"It made a clean getaway"
I can't wait to have kids so my brain work the same way...
And neither are our children...
A real mathter.
Teacher asked the students to tell the importance of the year 1809. John stand up and said βAbraham Lincoln was bornβ Then teacher again asked the students to tell the importance of another year 1819 Then Sam suddenly stand up and said βAbraham Lincoln was ten years oldβ!
A Homo-Genius Mixture
http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2015/03/29
I was at the hardware store with my dad looking at some caulking when he says out of nowhere, "All i see is this 'brilliant white' color. I want my white to be stupid!"
So my dad was talking to an acquaintance of ours, who is a landlord. My dad's acquaintance said he went in to check on one of his tenants and found him dead in his Lay-Z-Boy watching TV, remote still in hand and T.V still running. My dad's response on hearing this bit of news "Welp, I bet he wasn't watching the Life Channel"
