Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...
The twelve days of Jokemas, day eight
What do you call a Santa Claus who's been fried?
Krispy Kringle
Do you know why Santa and eight reindeer couldn’t open his vehicle?
My lactose intolerant friend had some cheese at the beginning of our eight hour road trip today...
A man named six gave his friends three and five some chocolate bars. Three got 7 chocolate bars and five got eight of them. Three was upset he had less than five did, and five was sad that his friend was sad, so he asked six if three could have another chocolate bar.
He gave one to three for five
What did the zero say to the eight?
Went to the store to get eight cans of sprite...
When I got home, I realized I’d only picked seven up.
i speak eight different languages
7 of the languages is 10 out of 10 but my German is 9
My wife, who's eight months pregnant, asked me if I worry that it's been too hot recently for our baby inside her. I reassured her...
“Nah, it’s probably womb temperature!"
Did you hear the joke about the number eight that fell over on it’s side?
It just seems to go on forever.
The number "eight" starts with an E.
But if you spelled it with an A, it'd be aight.
I got an eight on my test.
I asked the teacher about my grades, and he said I’m an eight-iot.
My friend is running for treasurer and needs to make an eight second video for the video announcing the candidates, any good quick money puns for that?
Why shouldn’t you drink eight cokes?
>!Because you can throw seven up.!<
>!Credit to my wife, so /r/momjokes. She just told me this laughed more than I should have.!<
Who has eight guns and terrorizes the ocean?
If I had a dollar for every gender there was, I'd have eight
I needed a password eight characters long.
So I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
I met a man who owned cheese that had been in his family for eight generations.
OMG, I can't believe Trump wanted Turkey to reveal it's tactics for capturing eight-legged, two-tentacled sea creatures!!!
He tried to do it squid pro quo.
I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my eight year old*
Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two, you have two, son.
Son: Nope.... I have four. Point to belly two kidneys here... points to legs... and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
I work at a grocery store and I accidentally dropped one of the eight cases of soda I was supposed to stock on the top shelf
If an octopus is an octopus because it has eight legs, does that mean that cats should instead be called quadropuss?
You know, because it has four legs... and a cat is also called a puss.
This was a comment on a post about a cheeta getting eight cubs
Alarm clocks are great but the snooze button was even better. Because after sleeping for eight hours, what I need...
What do you get when Hitler doesn't lie, then lies once, then again, then two more times, then three times, then five, then eight, then thirteen times?
A reporter meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick and asks, “Are you a pole vaulter?”
“No,” says the man, “I’m German. But how did you know my name is Walter?”
Bathroom dad joked my eight year old
My three year old daughter needs help wiping her backside after using the bathroom (#2) sometimes. It's that or she might get a rash... oh, the joys of parenting. My eight year old son was in the hallway.
Son: Dad, why do you need to help [daughter] wipe her butt?
Me: Because she does a shitty job.
(Yes, in the interest of the dad joke, I did say shit to my eight year old. He's heard it before.)
I saw this dress decorated with small shiny disks: three on the arm, five on the collar, eight on the back...
They were Fibonacci sequins
I was reading a book about Romania for eight hours straight.
Finally I decided to give my Bucharest.
Six was afraid of seven because seven eight (ate) nine. But why did seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat three squared meals a day.
What did the zero say to the eight?
What did the zero say to the eight?
I just went to the shop to pick up eight cans of Sprite,
But when I got home I realised I’d only picked 7Up.
What did zero say to eight?
What did zero say to the eight?
What did the zero tell the eight?
I went to the store to get eight cans of sprite...
But when I got back home I realized I had only picked seven up
What did the number Zero say to number Eight?
I needed a password eight characters long
so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
What did the zero say to the eight?
What did zero say to eight?
I needed a password eight characters long...
... so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
What did zero say to eight?
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