Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Two guys walked into a bar... the third one ducked
2 guys walk into a bar... I ducked
Give me your best duck puns
I live for them, they quack me up. Give me what y'all got >:)
Duck puns
I may be a goose, but I sure am quackers
Son: "Dad! I just saw two ducks at the park!"
Dad: “Sorry, son... That’s not possible.”
Son: “I really did, I promise!”
Dad: “It isn’t possible for two ducks to be be in the same place at the same time.”
Son: “Why not?”
Dad: “Because, son. It would create a pair-o-ducks!”
A duck wants into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist: “I’d like some chapstick”
The pharmacist says “but you’re a duck, how are you going to pay for that?”
The duck says “it’s fine, just put it on my bill”
Why are ducks so crazy?
Because they're addicted to quack!
I told my son that I have 19 jokes about ducks
18 are too fowl to repeat but this one just quacks me up
A duck was found dead on the sidewalk today...
The autopsy revealed he overdosed on quack.
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck. He finishes his drink, and asks for the check.
LPT: If you see someone about to be attacked by a duck, don’t try to warn them.
It only makes things worse.
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night.
A duck walks into a drugstore to pick up a prescription. The pharmacist asks him,
"Cash or charge?"
The duck replies, "Nah....Just put it on my bill!"
What’s the worst part about going out to eat duck?
2 women in a restaurant, when a duck walks in with a huge bunch of flowers. He places them on the table and says,
"You two ladies are so beautiful with sparkling eyes. "
One of the women stopped him, called the waiter over and said, I ordered AROMATIC duck."
A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink
He tells the bartender, “put it on my bill”
Why does a duck have feathers?
To cover up its buttQUACK
What is a ducks favorite snack?
Cheese and quackers
(My kid made that up last night)
What do you call a duck that can rap?
Got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks....
What do you call a duck with no wings
How do you make a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers.
Why did Daffy Duck go to rehab?
He couldn't lay off the quack.
I can't take my dog to the lake anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
Why did the duck go to jail?
I can't take my dog to the park anymore. The ducks keep biting him.
I should have known this would happen. He's pure bread.
We’re you aware that the NFL has a rule on professional athletes and the animals they can own as pets? They are prohibited from owning a duck as a pet!
How does a duck find a wife?
Mallarder bride...
Love and New Balance shoes,
Dad
What is a duck's favorite part of the news?
Why did the duck say it went to wehab?
I can’t take my dog to the park as all the ducks keep trying to bite him...
My fault for getting one that’s pure bread.
Why did the farmer buy a cow and a duck? 👨🌾🐄🦆
He wanted milk and quackers!
What do you see when a duck bends over?
The police arrested a duck.
How do you call a duck that does drugs?
How do you turn a duck into a popstar?
Heat it in the microwave 'til it's Bill Withers
A chicken and a duck are stood by a road
Chicken clucks to his friend "don't do it mate, you'll never hear the end of it!"
I need duck puns
I’m going to be a duck for holloween I need some duck puns please help
I need duck puns for the love of god
I need as many duck puns as you guys can give me.
My marketing class is doing a fundraiser for the girls basketball team and it involves chucking rubber ducks.
The event is called chuck a duck and I need as many punny ideas to photoshop into posters as possible.
Also historic events that replace people with rubber ducks helps too.
Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.
He orders a drink, and asks for the check.
Duck billed platypus.
Edit: Thanks guys.
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck. He finishes his drink, and asks for the check.
Why did the ducks eat the dog?
Because it was pure bread
Got chucked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks...
Why does a duck have tail-feathers?
I need duck puns! Right now! Please help!
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