I give out drivers licenses for snow plows

...weather permitting

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xSchneebSx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the boy fail his license test even though he took driver's ed?

It was a crash course.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vitaefinem
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of driver doesn’t need a license?

A screwdriver

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SximplyAJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you need a current driver's license to drive an electric car
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a drivers license

But I don’t hπŸ₯‘

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stillchucky
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my drivers license today

My dad gave me a jar of honey with wheels... he said it’s Manuka

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/angusdeane
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a drivers license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with letters "C Z W I X N O S T A C Z" Optician: "Can you read this?" "Read it?" the Polish man replied, "I know the guy!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vongolaguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My drivers license was suspended... i.reddituploads.com/e33d7…
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/donald386
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2016
🚨︎ report
I used to have a driver's license from Arizona. They had a neat symbol on them if you opted in to be an organ donor.

I don't live in AZ anymore, but you know what they say, once a donor always Sedona!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clit_or_us
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I got my driver's license today...

https://i.imgur.com/Qp2M6RQ.png

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Smothdude
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
🚨︎ report
License plate describes both the car and driver! imgur.com/Xp0vF4k
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chicken_beard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the 50 year old truck driver who only just got his pen license?

He's now licensed to use both stationery and moving vehicles.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Egithis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Discussing getting my driver's license

Mom: Are you going to be an organ donor?

Me: Yeah, I am.

Dad: But you don't have an organ, do you? You could be a drum donor instead.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zarola
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
🚨︎ report
I've been torturing my daughter with jokes for years now

And here they are

In case this is your first time here (I haven't posted in a while), I find jokes here and elsewhere on the internet (and now my friends have started sending me jokes), and I text them to my daughter. I then capture her reactions for those sweet, sweet internet points.

Thanks very much to the original joke submitters. You dads are alright. If you missed any of the previous episodes:

Vol. 1

Vol. 2

Vol. 3

Vol. 4

EDIT: Since this is blowing up, I may as well mention that the young lady in question just passed her driver's license test this morning! Everyone congratulate her!

Also, thanks for the gold.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/geoffevans
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My brother lost a brief argument to a dad joke.

Bro: A bike's the only thing you can drive without a license.

Dad: That's not true. What about a hard bargain?

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dude_Dudeman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
🚨︎ report
I lost my wallet...

It turned up this morning when I opened up the washing machine. Everything inside (cash, credit card, driver's license) was soaking wet.

Dad: "I'm calling the police."

Me: "Why would you do that?"

Dad: "You're guilty of laundering money."

ahh...

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gudea_of_Lagash
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2013
🚨︎ report
There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....

NOTHING.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onmugen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
🚨︎ report
A kids dad comes into his room after hearing him shout.

After saying that his computer kept crashing his dad asked "Well does it have a drivers license?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dunls
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My sister has the dadjoke genes.

Sister's friend: When I get my driver's license, I'm going to get a stick. Sister: Cool! I'm going to get a car!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poi830
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.