...never gonna let you down! Never gonna run around...
π︎ 210
π
︎ Apr 25 2021
Itβs sad the neighborhood went down the crapper
π︎ 516
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
A proud dad sits down to have a drink with his father.
"Well son , now that you have got a kid of your own, i think it's time to give you this."
"Dad you don't mean-"
"Yes son ,i do"
Dad pulls out the copy of 1001 Dad Jokes,5th Edition
"Dad... i am honoured..." , He says , tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured" , replies his father , "i'm dad".
π︎ 425
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
Iβm about to share a joke thatβll turn r/dadjokes upside down
π︎ 614
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
What did Darth Vader say when his car broke down 3 miles outside of town?
π︎ 106
π
︎ May 04 2021
A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..
..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '
π︎ 553
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
When you're down, by the sea, and an eel bites your knee...
π︎ 36
π
︎ May 05 2021
My dad fell down the stairs and broke his arm.
He couldn't stop laughing though, it was a humerus situation.
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 04 2021
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
π︎ 123
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
Two pretzels walk down the street.
π︎ 64
π
︎ Apr 24 2021
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
π︎ 154
π
︎ Apr 03 2021
The other day a bunch of books fell down on my head.
I guess I only have my shelve to blame!
π︎ 38
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
Don't let your guard down
π︎ 39
π
︎ Apr 21 2021
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
π︎ 40
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
What do you get, when you pour down hot water into a rabbit hole?
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 05 2021
What do you call a narcissistic criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending
Con descending
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 30 2021
What do you call it when a felon goes down stairs
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
A lumberjack was just about to chop down a tree when, miraculously, the tree said, "don't chop me down! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack stepped back and said, "really? well, you'll die a log."
π︎ 28
π
︎ Apr 13 2021
A child and his father are walking down the street when the child asks...
"Dad, what does being drunk feels like?"
"Well son, you see those four trees over there? If you were drunk, you'd see eight trees."
"Dad, there are only two trees."
π︎ 48
π
︎ May 03 2021
Whatβs Harry Potterβs favourite way of coming down a hill? Walking...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now heβs high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
π︎ 20k
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
How do you fall down the stairs?
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3
Step 6
Step 11
Step 16
Floor
π︎ 50
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
My mother always told me I look more like her from the waste up, but took after my father from the waste down...
... because I'm a smart a**
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
If it comes down to a choice of superman...
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 04 2021
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 03 2021
If an ice cream van breaks down....
...do they have to put out cones ?
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 03 2021
My dad took me down to a garden centre to buy manure but they were out of stock.
We weren't taking shit from anyone that day
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
People began paying the Hawaiian volcano goddess to lie down from time to time
They're calling it a pay lay
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 25 2021
My lumberjack friend told me that he'd cut down a total of 13,207 trees.
When I asked how he managed to keep count,
He replied, "I keep a log"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
How do you cut down a tree?
You have to axe it first.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 30 2021
What do you call a strip club where everything is upside down?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
I went to donate blood and the clinician asked, βWould you like to lay down?β
I told them I was inclined to it.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 29 2021
Doctor: Calm down, David. This is a very simple procedure.
Me: Iβm not David.
Doctor: I know. Iβm David.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
I tried to become a stand up comedian, but it turns out that I am more of a "sit down" comedian.
After every joke I told, someone kept yelling "sit down"!
π︎ 25
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
Some guys are talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one of the friends say "I sit down when I pee"
Another friend proceeds to curse and weep at the first friend yelling "I though you were a stand-up guy!"
π︎ 35
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
Sales are down, so my boss asked why the greeting cards aren't moving
I told him it's because they are stationary
π︎ 104
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
I was driving my new Toyota down the street and some kid said 'sick car'
I replied, "thanks, I'll get it tested for Corollavirus".
π︎ 29
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
You're in a dirty fistfight against a gang of circus performers. Who do you take down first to weaken the whole team?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
I was walking down the street and I heard someone saying hello in Arabic.
Turns out it was a false salaam.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
If you are thinking of settling down, hereβs some advice: Donβt date soccer players.
Thereβs only a 1/11 chance that theyβre a keeper.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills
π︎ 437
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
My wife has eaten that much during lock down...
....that she's started getting a tan off the frigging fridge light.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
A magician was walking down the street
Then he turned into a shop.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
I finally saw the new Justice League movie but when the heroes ended up in a funky little shack down the Atlanta highway, I was confused at first.
It was the Fred Schneider cut. Oops!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
A Norwegian fell down a canyon.
It was a Fjordian slip.
πππ
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
Whatβs Harry Potters favourite way to get down a hill?
Walking? No⦠J.K. Rolling
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 01 2021
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