...never gonna let you down! Never gonna run around...
πŸ‘︎ 212
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OffDutyTaoist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
It’s sad the neighborhood went down the crapper
πŸ‘︎ 517
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakinBacon64
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A proud dad sits down to have a drink with his father.

"Well son , now that you have got a kid of your own, i think it's time to give you this."

"Dad you don't mean-"

"Yes son ,i do" Dad pulls out the copy of 1001 Dad Jokes,5th Edition

"Dad... i am honoured..." , He says , tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi honoured" , replies his father , "i'm dad".

πŸ‘︎ 428
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Setsunai___
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m about to share a joke that’ll turn r/dadjokes upside down

sǝʞoɾpɐp/ɹ

πŸ‘︎ 621
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What did Darth Vader say when his car broke down 3 miles outside of town?

The empire hikes back.

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shua_mc
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..

..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '

πŸ‘︎ 557
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
When you're down, by the sea, and an eel bites your knee...

That's a moray.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad fell down the stairs and broke his arm.

He couldn't stop laughing though, it was a humerus situation.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zaksev
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?

It has to be toad away.

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PowerWonton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Two pretzels walk down the street.

One was a salted.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brunchminded
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?

You get a flat minor

πŸ‘︎ 158
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
The other day a bunch of books fell down on my head.

I guess I only have my shelve to blame!

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't let your guard down
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luca_LushUK
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...

Turns out they were Portu-Geese

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MediocreGinga
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A-flat minor

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadrantbiz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get, when you pour down hot water into a rabbit hole?

Hot cross bunnies

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sikitomi
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a narcissistic criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending

Con descending

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeachPeachMcgee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a felon goes down stairs

Con-descending

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justme2991
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack was just about to chop down a tree when, miraculously, the tree said, "don't chop me down! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack stepped back and said, "really? well, you'll die a log."

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A child and his father are walking down the street when the child asks...

"Dad, what does being drunk feels like?"

"Well son, you see those four trees over there? If you were drunk, you'd see eight trees."

"Dad, there are only two trees."

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinit9
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s Harry Potter’s favourite way of coming down a hill? Walking...

JK Rowling

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForbiddnSnacc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you fall down the stairs?

Step 1 Step 2 Step 3

Step 6

Step 11

Step 16 Floor

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jg4888
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My mother always told me I look more like her from the waste up, but took after my father from the waste down...

... because I'm a smart a**

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavidkDavid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
If it comes down to a choice of superman...

I'll take the soup.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

By walking...

JK Rolling

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crom2323
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
If an ice cream van breaks down....

...do they have to put out cones ?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad took me down to a garden centre to buy manure but they were out of stock.

We weren't taking shit from anyone that day

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coralthesequel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
People began paying the Hawaiian volcano goddess to lie down from time to time

They're calling it a pay lay

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Entias
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
My lumberjack friend told me that he'd cut down a total of 13,207 trees.

When I asked how he managed to keep count,

He replied, "I keep a log"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DementedOak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you cut down a tree?

You have to axe it first.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmnisVirLupis23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a strip club where everything is upside down?

Stranger Thongs

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?

To get to the bottom...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiden93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to donate blood and the clinician asked, β€˜Would you like to lay down?’

I told them I was inclined to it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dencolab
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Calm down, David. This is a very simple procedure.

Me: I’m not David.

Doctor: I know. I’m David.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried to become a stand up comedian, but it turns out that I am more of a "sit down" comedian.

After every joke I told, someone kept yelling "sit down"!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Some guys are talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one of the friends say "I sit down when I pee"

Another friend proceeds to curse and weep at the first friend yelling "I though you were a stand-up guy!"

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarfbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I was driving my new Toyota down the street and some kid said 'sick car'

I replied, "thanks, I'll get it tested for Corollavirus".

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmokeRingHalo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Sales are down, so my boss asked why the greeting cards aren't moving

I told him it's because they are stationary

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
You're in a dirty fistfight against a gang of circus performers. Who do you take down first to weaken the whole team?

Go for the juggler.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru9224
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I was walking down the street and I heard someone saying hello in Arabic.

Turns out it was a false salaam.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
If you are thinking of settling down, here’s some advice: Don’t date soccer players.

There’s only a 1/11 chance that they’re a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills

Those were goodyears

πŸ‘︎ 428
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gotblake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?

I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireburner80
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife has eaten that much during lock down...

....that she's started getting a tan off the frigging fridge light.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
A magician was walking down the street

Then he turned into a shop.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/db720
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I finally saw the new Justice League movie but when the heroes ended up in a funky little shack down the Atlanta highway, I was confused at first.

It was the Fred Schneider cut. Oops!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
A Norwegian fell down a canyon.

It was a Fjordian slip.

πŸ’πŸ“πŸ’

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s Harry Potters favourite way to get down a hill?

Walking? No… J.K. Rolling

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayCola93
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report

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