Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to β€œDon’t Stop Believing”.

It was an unexpected Journey.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry puns

So from today I'm detergent to be better.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trev2-D2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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Stop calling it dressing, you don’t wear it. It’s stuffing.

Because you’re stuffing your face with it since you know you won’t see it again until next Thanksgiving.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Son, remember if your parachute stops working mid-air, don't panic.

You'll have the rest of your life to fix it

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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A woman driving a minivan with 7 hyperactive kids gets pulled over for running a red light. The cop says β€œDon’t you know when to stop?” The woman says...

They’re not all mine.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaymanRich
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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My wife said she's gonna leave me if I don't change and stop reading erotic novels

I decided to turn over a new leaf

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/19BlackHeart99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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My wife told me she'd leave me if I don't stop making Microsoft puns, and I need some advice

I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on the Surface I do it often, but I think it Works. It's not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such a great Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and told her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer...

PowerPoint of the story is: does anyone know of a good divorce lawyer?

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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When you see a person person at the bus stop with no arms and legs don’t start a conversation with...

β€œHi, how are you getting on?”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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My wife said she's going to leave me if I don't stop with the click bait

You wont believe what happened next!

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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and they don’t stop coming
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prismblast7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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My wife: Why don’t you stop telling terrible Dad jokes and write a book instead?

Me: That’s.....a novel idea.

πŸ‘︎ 234
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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Guys, stop reposting other people's puns. Don't turn this sub into a post apocalyptic wasteland.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Creator8888
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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I was standing with my friend at a bus stop yesterday when he said to me "I don't think you quite understand irony"

Which was ironic because we were standing at a bus stop

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pray4judo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A sweet old man who stops by to chat when he goes out for a walk told us this joke. (His wife had said "Don't tell anyone your silly joke... It's horrible.")

Old Man : "Never fall in love with a tennis professional."

Us : "Why Not?"

Old Man : "Because love means nothing to them."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2015
🚨︎ report
As the taxi raced towards the hospital, my wife cried, "The baby's coming! Don't stop the car! I can't make it! DON'T! CAN'T! WON'T!"

"Driver, hurry!" I implored. "Her contractions are getting closer together!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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"Dad, when will you stop using slang that you don't understand?"

Not yeet, son!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
🚨︎ report
A guy walks up to his son and says,"Son, if you don't stop touching yourself, you will go blind."

Son says,"Dad, I'm over here."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TherealZaneJT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't see how me exercising will stop children from losing their parents

but people keep telling me it helps end orphans.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Don't you just hate it when someone stops telling a joke halfway through, and
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dracovis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2015
🚨︎ report
Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and hears someone singing β€œDon’t stop Believing”.

It was an unexpected Journey.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to β€œDon’t stop Believing”.

It was an unexpected Journey.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Bilbo Baggins suddenly woke up to β€œDon’t stop Believing.”

It was an unexpected Journey.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Bilbo Baggins woke up suddenly to β€œDon’t stop believing!”

It was an unexpected Journey.

πŸ‘︎ 232
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to β€œDon’t Stop Believing.”

It was an unexpected Journey.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you'll go blind!"

Son: "Dad, I'm over here..."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xevetv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up to the song Don’t Stop Believing.

It was an unexpected Journey.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report

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