Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"

Me: "But my name isn't David."

Doctor: "I know, I'm David."

πŸ‘︎ 995
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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My friend called me in a panic and shouted, β€œAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...

...he’s really a big lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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Son, remember if your parachute stops working mid-air, don't panic.

You'll have the rest of your life to fix it

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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If you ever find yourself in lava, don't panic.

Just go with the flow.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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A man enters into a baking competition

And realizes that his cake batter was not turning out right. After a moment of panic, he had a sudden realization and placed the whole mixing bowl, whisk and all, into the oven. After 20 minutes he took the whole thing out and served it to the judges. Understandably, he got last place. When he met up with his family afterwards, his wife asked, β€œwhat were you thinking?” The man replied, β€œI don’t know, but it was a whisk I was willing to bake.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EdibleBatteries
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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There was once a priest who went to see the world after taking his oath....

After many years of wandering, he finally arrived in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The people there believed in the same religion as he did, but they had no church; they had to go to the nearest one which was in a small town 25 km's from there. The priest took the initiative, asked the Church for support, and with the help of the local men they built their own temple. From there on, he was celebrating the Sunday masses, joining together men and women in Holy Matrimony, and saying prayers at the funerals.

Many years passed by like that.

At the end of an ordinary mass, in early spring, on a chilly Sunday morning he was just guiding the people out of the church, was about to close the gates when an unknown man stepped into the churchyard.

With his dirty and torn clothes, he stood before the priest and said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was a good man, and even though he thought the request was a bit strange, he went back to the rectory, took out a lemon, cut it in half, took it back to the man and gave it to him, who looked back to the priest with gratitude. However, the priest was curious. He asked:

  • Son, why do you need this half of a lemon? - with a fright on his face, and before the priest could have said a thing, he rushed out of the churchyard gate and took off.

A week later, around the same time, when the priest was leaving the church, he found himself in front of the same man in the churchyard. The man said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was surprised by the appearance of the man and his strange request. Of course he was good, went back to the rectory, and brought the half lemon. Placed it in the stranger’s hand and immediately he asked:

  • Here it is, my dear son, but please tell me why do you need this half a lemon? - the man was obviously frightened and immediately ran away but the priest was not sluggish either and ran after him. He wasn’t in a very good condition, he has never run so much and so fast before so he was out of breath by the end of the village, almost fainted. He thought the strange man might appear again next week, and it would be nice if he could keep up with him, so he spent his week working on his cardio. It turned out to be a good idea, because as he thought, the stranger entered the churchyard on Sunday. The priest didn’t even wait for the request, he was good, and brought the half lemon. He received these words from the man:

  • Thank you

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doty152
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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hey...911 someone in our club just died

911: calm down...we don't want a panic! at the disco

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alay6308
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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My friend called me in a panic and shouted, β€œAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...

...he’s really a big lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flamingkitten101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Relax, David. It’s just a small surgery, don’t panic.

Me: my name isn’t David.

Doctor: I know. I’m David.

πŸ‘︎ 947
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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