Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Why donβt ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because theyβre full of anty bodies
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
They just donβt taste right!
π︎ 9k
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
π︎ 22k
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
My wife told me sheβll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
Iβm not too worried, I think sheβs jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
π︎ 500
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
Please donβt resort to violins and anger if you donβt notice.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, βI donβt think they have what youβre looking for, sir.β
I told him, βI donβt think they have what youβre looking for, sir.β
π︎ 196
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
The barman says, βSorry, we donβt serve faster-than-light particles in here.β
A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.
π︎ 267
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"
But it's just a curd to me
π︎ 332
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
I donβt mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
Now days, people don't use the name Lance very often
In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
I donβt get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it arenβt even well rounded.
π︎ 359
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Why donβt ants get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies.
Edit: THANK YOU!! Kind stranger whoever you are out there, for the silver!! Just trying to keep the kids facepalming and the wives eye rolling. You guys are awesome!
π︎ 238
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and hears someone singing βDonβt stop Believingβ.
It was an unexpected Journey.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
When I left home to go on a business trip, my wife said "Don't forget to write"
I thought, "That's unlikely... it's a basic skill, isn't it?"
π︎ 375
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︎ Dec 21 2020
My wife asked me, βWhy donβt you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?β
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parentsβ house...
π︎ 153
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Donβt ever make Sodium angry.
Otherwise youβll be charged with aggravating a salt.
π︎ 62
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
I finally realized why trees donβt have teeth.
Turns out, theyβre all bark and no bite.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
I don't trust stairs.
They're always up to something or they always let you down.
π︎ 91
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
They don't have enchiladas in Europe
They have centimeterladas
π︎ 42
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldnβt! wouldnβt! couldnβt! didnβt! canβt! The doctor says "don't worry."
βThose are just contractions.β
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
Cake day original joke! Why donβt penguins like eating clown fish?
Because they taste funny!
π︎ 57
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
Don't put it on him
π︎ 400
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Donβt expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
π︎ 147
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︎ Dec 03 2020
*calls mum * son : I'm in hospital but don't worry everything is fine
Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time
π︎ 44
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︎ Dec 24 2020
Why donβt people use bulls to travel?
Because they go when the stop light is red!
(Sorry if this was bad)
π︎ 48
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
Dad: I really donβt trust these trees
Son: Huh? What? Why?
Dad: They seem kindaβ¦. shady
π︎ 415
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Donβt know how to properly share with this but I have included the name of the original, most people didnβt get it(third line)
π︎ 38
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
I don't need a lot for Christmas
My driveway is big enough...
π︎ 45
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
Don't blame others for the road you're on.
π︎ 78
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods...
...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
I don't mind foreign dishes, for example we ate some halal food last week
I think they called it Allah carte
π︎ 35
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Donβt blame others for the road youβre on.
Thatβs your own asphalt.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
I don't plan to put up solar panels.
But if you do, more power to you.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
Don't try to eat the chickens in Minecraft.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
I donβt like bread jokes.
They get stale really fast.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
I don't know why people are afraid of flying...
Most crashes happen at ground level.
π︎ 78
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
What rock group has four men that don't sing?
π︎ 567
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
My wife has been complaining that I donβt buy her flowers. Tbh I donβt even know she started selling flowers.
Couldnβt post it earlier. Doing dishes, making everyoneβs bed, taking trash and all the other household chores ate up all my evening.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
Don't forget you
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
Why donβt crabs give to charity?
Because theyβre shellfish
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
I don't keep grudges. My dad kept grudges....
π︎ 29
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
Why donβt you want to fight Santa?
Because he has a βblack beltβ
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Wanna know why I don't trust stairs?
They're always up to something...
π︎ 36
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
Don't blame others for the road you're on.
π︎ 123
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
"I don't trust stairs."
"They're always up to something."
π︎ 92
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
Why don't ants get sick
Because they have little antibodies
π︎ 187
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
What rock group has four men that don't sing?
π︎ 79
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
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